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    Joined: Aug 2010
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    DeHe Offline OP
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    Hi
    DS 5 has had writing issues and will be getting an evalaution in school so I know some of this is related to that but any thoughts on how to deal with this is appreciated. Although not sure there is anything here! smile

    DS brings home a worksheet with different types of animals - he was supposed to circle some, x out others to distinguish them. He was also supposed to find and color pictures hidden in a bigger picture. DS basically scribbles over everything instead of even trying to color in the lines. But he did correctly circle and x out. So he did it right but its a mess. I know some of this is the writing issue. But my mom gut thinks its more about his attitude about the assignment - just do it quickly so he can go back to thinking his great thoughts or whatever else he gets to do when finished in school. With actual writing assignments, he keeps saying but I don't like it, and I finally got frustrated and said it doesnt matter, you just have to do it.

    I think what bothers me is that lack of pride and willingess to do the "job" correctly. Same thing with drawings of people - bare minimum so still stick figures, sometimes I have to ask for fingers and hair. But again, not because he can't but because he doesn't want to and doesnt think its important. Or he is just masking how hard all this is for him?

    So far school is interesting for him but not challenging. The homework is extensive but only a problem because he doesnt want to write.

    So partly I think I am being ridiculous for being concerned that he doesnt try to make nice drawings or color nicely, but on the other hand, is this something that needs to be dealt with, the its not interesting to me so I can put no effort into it part?

    DeHe

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    Originally Posted by DeHe
    not because he can't but because he doesn't want to and doesnt think its important. Or he is just masking how hard all this is for him?
    DeHe
    I hear you DeHe, but he is 5. It's ok to recognize that his work ethic isn't what you want it to be and try to find ways to nurture, but dont' panic, ok?

    I would look for non-paper/pencil ways to increase hand coordination that actually interest him. There is a way to make decorative beads by twisting wire around popsicle sticks, sewing, clay, papermache, cup stacking, Rubix cube twisting, musical instruments, rock digging and identification, circut boards. Find him something to do that requires attention to detail and manual dexterity that relates in SOME way to a topic HE finds interesting. Then relax about the mess papers - afterall, he is showing excellent judgement about how he wants to use his resources - it's just that he's missing the opportunity to practice coloring that kids this age usually really need.

    Good Luck,
    Grinity


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    DeHe Offline OP
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    Originally Posted by Grinity
    Originally Posted by DeHe
    not because he can't but because he doesn't want to and doesnt think its important. Or he is just masking how hard all this is for him?
    DeHe
    I hear you DeHe, but he is 5. It's ok to recognize that his work ethic isn't what you want it to be and try to find ways to nurture, but dont' panic, ok?.

    Absolutely no panicking! It does sound silly to write it down - love this board - when I say this stuff to my DH I get the "look" !!

    We are looking for ways to engage him, he is getting more into Lego and his snap circuits. Although if we wanted to focus him on something else we never should have gotten him the Horrible Science box set!!! So fascinating discussions about B and T cells but not so much coloring.

    I think my biggest struggle with parenting DS is when is he 5 and when is he not. He's not 5 more than he is, your using work ethic reminds me of that, it's appropriate to talk about with an older kid but maybe not so much for 5!!

    DeHe

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    Originally Posted by DeHe
    I think my biggest struggle with parenting DS is when is he 5 and when is he not. He's not 5 more than he is, your using work ethic reminds me of that, it's appropriate to talk about with an older kid but maybe not so much for 5!!
    DeHe
    I think the seeds of work ethic are planted at age 5, and I do think that all that awful coloring benefits the development of 5 year olds.
    If he loves science then perhaps to get him a microscope and ask him to keep a log of his observations, or show him John James Audubon's Birds of Americaweb4.audubon.org/bird/BoA/BOA

    Colored pencils or cray pas might work more to his satisfaction in his hands, there is something physically unpleasant to the vibration in the hand from coloring.

    google images for 'hematopoietic cells' and you might have the makings of a coloring book. If you print out in greyscale and let him use colored pencils he might really enjoy himself.

    Asynchronous development really calls for extra brainstorming.

    Smiles,
    Grinity


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    Another idea is to allow him to do the school worksheets while watching TV, or listening to a book on tape or favorite music. Not sure that I would want to start down that path, but if he is willing to make an effort to stay within the lines, you've got a built in reinforcer.

    It sounds like you are starting to accept that he isn't likely to get much satisfaction from K level assignments, and that's very important.

    I also like graph paper...perhaps he would like to draw a B cell on graph paper and you could show him how to turn that into a knitting or crochet pattern.

    Smiles,
    G


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    Originally Posted by DeHe
    Hi
    I think what bothers me is that lack of pride and willingess to do the "job" correctly. Same thing with drawings of people - bare minimum so still stick figures, sometimes I have to ask for fingers and hair. But again, not because he can't but because he doesn't want to and doesnt think its important. Or he is just masking how hard all this is for him?

    As a mother of a child with dysgraphia, I can look back on the year of torture that was grade primary and completely relate to your post. At that time, we had no idea what was up. She had not been dx's with ADHD and dyslexia and dysgraphia, yet. To me, she seemed like the most unmotivated, lazy smart child in the world. I wanted to pull out my hair. There was nothing I could do to convince her that work should be done to the best of her ability. She seemed to 'not care' about anything. Four years later, with all of her diagnoses known, she is quick to tell us (and often) how horrible that year of school was for her. She could occasionally do what was expected, but the amount of concentration and effort that went into the easist of tasks was so overwhelming that she chose to not even try rather than try and fail.

    I wish I could go back and reparent her in that year of her life. I feel like I let her down. I should have been helping her instead of nagging her constantly. In my defense, I had no clue about any of her diagnoses. She really and truly presented like a lazy, uninterested child. If you ask her today what we, as parents, could have done differently... she says that we could have praised her more for the efforts she did make and recognize how hard she worked to do the little that she did.

    Just my two cents, as a 2e Mommy.


    Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it. — L.M. Montgomery
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    DeHe Offline OP
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    km
    I am dyslexic so we are hypersenstive to anything remotely resembling it - we are watching that like a hawk. We are having him evaluated by the school OT, actually the school encouraged us to. I wholeheartedly agree about the praise - we praise his effort and try to show him how far he has come. So I know there is a component here. He was a preemie and all his physical development has been slow - not delayed - but slow. With writing, all the things grinity recommends are the things he doesnt want to do, has never wanted to do play doh or write or color for long periods. So I am hoping some of this is strength but there is also something else there. He is actually really making improvement, its just not as fast or as close to where the want him. I fear that if he has dyslexia he will be like me - and unknowingly able to mask it for a long time and then suddenly unable to and then painful fail - I really dont want that to happen.

    Some of this might indeed be a disability - but some if it is definitely the unwillingness to do it and I cant seem to get anywhere with him on that. But I posted essentially to find out if it matters - and interestingly from totally different perspectives you and G say yes!

    DeHe

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    Originally Posted by DeHe
    all the things grinity recommends are the things he doesnt want to do, has never wanted to do play doh or write or color for long periods. DeHe

    So recognise and praise when he does those things for a short time - I think a lot of gifted kids go in spurts - my DS hated all that stuff as well, so I'd wait until there was a new Pokemon game that he just had to have and do a super bribe, or he'd get interested in something - one afternoon he wanted graph paper but didn't know where to find it, so he drew his own!!!!(3rd grade) DH finally started to believe that there was something unusual about our boy after that day. (If I had been around I would have known where the graph paper was and DH would have gone on in denial another year.)

    Friendship bracelets can be made on foam bases, that can be fun, check with your OT for more ideas because diagnosable or not, our kids NEED that motor stimulation.

    Play catch.

    Rest and recognize yourself after the uphill climb.

    Smiles,
    Grinity


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    Originally Posted by DeHe
    Some of this might indeed be a disability - but some if it is definitely the unwillingness to do it and I cant seem to get anywhere with him on that.

    With my DD, the only times I see her willing to put in any amount of effort is when a)she is learning something completely new that she has no prior knowledge of (in grade three this was black history, this year it is the intricacies of puberty... joy!) or b)a subject that grabs her attention or c)it's fun. If an assignment does not meet these criteria, than she does not deem it worthy of the 'heroic' efforts she needs to employ to do a stellar job. In her own words "Having a learning disability makes school so hard! It is like trying to drive up a really steep hill on your little brother's tricycle. "I think she copes by picking and choosing which areas of her school work to work hard on. It is inconsistent and frustrating, but I think she would just crumple otherwise.

    Interestingly, DD was also premature (born at 32 weeks) and she also refused to colour as a preschooler. I had to give her a crash course on writing her name two weeks before school started because she would refuse to hold a pencil!

    Best of luck to you as you sort it all out. At all costs, preserve his self-esteem. It is incredibly precious, so easily damaged and practically impossible to get back once it is lost. My biggest struggle as an OCD perfectionist was to start looking the other way and accepting the work the DD produced as her 'best effort'. I still have a hard time deciding when to push and when to back off.


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    Another mom of a 2e dysgraphic kid here - our ds is 12 now, but what you wrote sounds so much like our ds' early school years before we knew about his dysgraphia (he has an expressive language challenge also). Rather than writing it all out, I'll just say "ditto" to everything K's Mum said smile If I had *anything* I could do over again (and there is very little I would ever really care about doing over again!) it would be to not think my ds wasn't trying back then. It sounds like you're way ahead of where we were in that you're aware of potential challenges. If I was in your place right now, I think I'd focus on giving my 5 year old all the fun and interesting things *he* wanted to do after school at this point in time and downplay schoolwork at home. Keep watching for and trying to understand what's up at school, but at 5 - he's going to be find his motivation and pride in his work eventually, but he may be just a little bit young for it at the moment. Most important to me would be to determine if he has any challenges going on, to try and understand that before they cause more frustration for him.

    Best wishes,

    polarbear

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