Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy English Acceleration - Gave It a Try

I spent over an hour in his office last week (after he turned down D's request). He agreed to reconsider. He already had the specific syllabus for the class D wants to take, and I sent along the college board course description after we met. He also agreed to talk with our DYS Family Consultant. She emailed him Monday morning, but she had not heard back from him by end of day yesterday. I sent her the PSAT info so she could bring this into her conversation with him.

I don't think any more calling or going to his office is going to make a difference.

I was talking with my mom yesterday, and she was at a funeral this weekend where she ran into an acquaintance of ours who is the assistant director of admissions at that private school across town (the one with the horrible commute for us). D has a friend at that school who is also PG (they met through a CTY website for gifted kids); when my mom mentioned the friend's name, the woman at this school said: "Oh, she has outstripped all the English curriculum we have. She is doing independent study with one of our English teachers this year because she is beyond what we offer in the regular classroom.". Just kicking myself for not seeing this coming this year and making a switch to that school at the beginning of the year.

Could she transfer to the private school in January?

She is in a private school now, and we have paid tuition for the year (lots of tuition). Essentially we can't get it back... and can't afford to pay for the second school without getting it back. Also, she has been at this school (K-12) since K (and her older sister graduated from it), so we have been affiliated with the school for 17 years. It would be a big step to give up on them and arrange a transfer mid-year. And I hate to have her transfer at the start of next year (senior year), and not graduate with her friends.

Ouch. I'm so sorry that something that should be so easy has to be so difficult.

My best advice is to call the guy tomorrow. Maybe he's got a lot to do and this one fell by the wayside, and your reminder could help. If he's avoiding the issue, you'll make it harder for him to keep avoiding it, and maybe force a decision. The worst that can happen is that nothing will change, so you don't have much to lose (unless there are other factors here).

There's always the emotion card: "My daughter is desperately unhappy and in need of what the AP class could offer, and I'm confused about why the school wants to make her remain so unhappy."

Don't kick yourself. You're doing your best. We all are, and we don't always get our desired outcomes because there's no roadmap, no instruction manual, and no playbook full of cool moves. For the most part, we're all just feeling our way in the dimness. A lot of people here have talked about finding the "least-worst option" as they strive to find an educational environment for their children. They have a really good point. How much can you realistically expect to accomplish (and how much blame should you dump on yourself) if the best you can hope for is somewhat less horrible than all your other choices?

Thanks, Val. My D is desparately unhappy, but one of the things he said when I met with him was that she didn't seem to be in enough "emotional distress" for him to allow this (or even transfer her to the other teacher's classroom with the same curriculum). That is so frustrating, as she was working very hard to keep her cool and be professional in her discussion with both the teacher and him. She is not a kid who wears her emotions on her sleeve to start with, and is a little bit Aspie. She knows she isn't good at "people", so she was treading very carefully in this discussion. Maybe too carefully. I know a couple of stories over the years of kids who have left school for a few weeks for psychiatric treatment and then come back -- is that what it takes to get even a classroom change? Arggghhh...

I would say this to the principal.

I did tell him... he didn't seem to believe me. Still no word today, although I pinged him when I found out he hadn't called our Davidson family consultant yet. He said he get her email, and he would call her. I got the impression he is working tomorrow, so assume he will give a response then.

Then you've done everything you could and you don't need to blame yourself.

Your daughter knows that you've been sticking up for her and doing everything you can to help her. Ultimately, this will be far more important to her intellectual and emotional development than a few more months in a class she doesn't like.

For now, if I may, I suggest that you both forget the problem for a while and enjoy the vacation!

Thanks for the kind words! You are right that D knows I've got her back, and have done everything I can for her regardless of how it turns out. We should know either way tomorrow.

Yeah, my DD6 is miserable in school, does everything she can to hold it together for the school day, and then melts down when she gets home. Her demonstrations at home were becoming a real concern, because she started saying things like, "I wish I was dead."

So here are some things we've been doing to ensure the school gets the message of just how unhappy she truly is:

- I wrote an email to the principal and her teachers detailing her recent behavior at home, where it's coming from.

- We had a meeting at the school, and requested the school counselor begin meeting with her. This gives my DD an opportunity to share how she really feels with someone on staff.

- We enlisted a private psychologist with experience with gifted kids. He immediately had a suggestion we could take back to the school that we weren't even aware was an available option.

All of this is still ongoing, and we have another meeting in January, so I can't report on any results... but at least you can take these as suggestions for your own DD's situation.