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    jeimey #109811 08/20/11 12:33 PM
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    Jeimey
    I am so sorry it's been so tough. My DS had a hard time at the end of pre-k too, not like the situation you are describing but bad enough. I was quite despairing of repairing his pysche. He too is an onlie and we absolutely feed his needs, he too loves adults more. Don't beat yourself up for what you have done and why, you do the best for the situation you are in and it changes from year to year. Sounds like she doesn't trust school, and why would she, it was bad and then she left. And this time, she has a great vacation with her favorite people in the world totally catered to her interests and now she is in a place that only partially does that. So it sounds like progress, it takes a long time for a deep thinker to get over the wounds, it sure did for my DS and it wasn't as severe. DS had a great camp placement which undid a lot of damage because he had help from the counselors on how to negotiate the social world with people not at his level. I would talk to the teacher about what kind of help she might need, chanting, even if she didn't mind it, sounds awful and very them against her. Peer pressure is not a good approach for someone who has been bullied.

    I hope things improve!

    DeHe

    jeimey #109818 08/20/11 01:58 PM
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    Oh Jeimey, I feel for you. I am so sorry your DD is struggling at school. That's horrible that boys were teasing her. Were those boys held accountable?
    My DD is highly over-excitable and there have been many times I was ashamed and embarassed by her intensity. This is why this message board can be such a refuge.

    Do you work with an OT? Is the school using any type of a sensory diet?

    I hope things go better this week. Has she said anything about the upcoming school week?


    Ametrine #109819 08/20/11 02:05 PM
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    we are hoping to work on social skills in K as well. My DD5 actually has a fair number of friends and is very extroverted but needs to work on impulse control, not bossing others around, keeping her volume under control and not letting her "sillies" go over the top at the wrong time and place. She has had tons of social interaction, classes, playdates, but it is still a work in progress ;-)

    DeHe #109835 08/20/11 04:50 PM
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    Thank you to everyone for your support. I need to get over myself and keep working to do the best for her and think positively. Thank you for the book suggestion, Grinity. I have not read that one, but I just ordered it. Dehe, that's a really good point you made about "peer pressure". She's certainly not ready to be able to distinguish between "good" vs "bad" peer pressure, and I will be sure to discuss this with the teacher at our meeting on Monday. Twinkletoes: regarding her sensory issues that , she's not working with an OT because the developmental pediatrician did not recommend any intervention since her sensory issues seemed "mild" to her. In her report, she recommended "patient understanding", such as cutting out the tags, giving her adequate space, etc. Regarding the bullying, I'm not sure to what extent those boys were held accountable. The teacher thought she was an "easy target" for bullying because of her exhuberance and differences from the others. As soon as I realized how bad the situation was, I took her out of the school. Had it been just one or two boys, I would have tried to work through it, but it was 1/3 of the class, and the rest of the children thought she was really weird. She seemed so much better after I pulled her out that I thought she got away "unharmed", but with her 'elephant memory' it will take time to work though these issues, and undo the damage.

    I've made a list of strategies to share with the teacher and principal on Monday. I can only hope we will be able to work together to make it work out. My daughter has a cold now, and she's really hoping that she'll be too sick to go to school on Monday...! On the other hand, she said that each day was better than the day before it, and she's been willing to talk to me about what goes on at K...including some activities that she liked. She was never willing to talk about preschool. Also she said there's a girl in her class who is "kind of" her friend because they played together at recess. That's major progress!

    DeHe #109977 08/22/11 01:18 PM
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    DD5.5 started K last week. We do not know her LOG, if there is any right at this point. We are very curious what this year will bring.

    DeHe #110540 08/29/11 06:29 AM
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    Has anyone started school yet? How has it been going so far?


    EJ starts this afternoon . He was switched from the morning so he can join the first graders for math. I am so nervous. I know I will bawl when I put my baby on the bus after lunch.

    Last edited by frannieandejsmom; 08/29/11 07:44 AM. Reason: typos
    DeHe #110541 08/29/11 06:35 AM
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    We started Friday. The first day was fine -- all focused on getting used to the room. I'm launched my plan for getting DS the education he needs. With such spiky skills and a school terrified of "gaps", it's going to take some delicate work. We'll push harder once (1) DS has the norms of working in a classroom and "doing" school and (2) he expresses boredom or contempt for the class. I actually suspect contempt will show itself first.

    jeimey #110550 08/29/11 08:36 AM
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    Originally Posted by jeimey
    However, my DD really does NOT want to be there. She's tried to run away several times, and she's having meltdowns.

    She has major overexcitabilities, sensory issues, and asynchronies.

    She loves adults, but doesn't click with kids her own age and never made a friend in preschool.
    Some of the camps were better than others, and I think she made progress socially. However she was often in trouble, and worst of all her ANGER! started coming out.

    She gets so angry over little things, and has no frustration tolerance at all.

    this summer started saying things like, "I want the universe to go away!" "I hate myself", "I want to get killed!"

    time to start Kindergarten. ... though she still hates it.

    They're learning how do things like stand in line, which she hates -- she's so independent and non-conformist; she just wants to do her own thing.

    All of the above could be 100% or partially caused by 'sensory issues' that can be treated by an OT who does SID therapy. You may say 'she loves her independence' but just as likely, she can't tolerate the other kids being so close to her and she is trying to avoid a melt-down. See the difference?

    I would call back the developmental pediatrician, tell all of the above 'highlights' and say that you think it's worth it to give OT a try. The sensitities may seem mild when dealing with a single adult in a quiet office, but they are more than she can handle during her normal daily life.

    I say call the developmental ped, because even though the psyc may be an important part of the picture, they are much more likely to see the issues as 'internal' and not so familiar with sensory issues.

    Let me know how that 'transforming workbook' is going - it can be tough to get started because it's very different from our usual way of seeing the world.

    Love and More Love,
    Grinity


    Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
    DeHe #110576 08/29/11 02:15 PM
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    I am soooo bad smile

    I made a copy of dd7's accelerated math homework and gave it ds5. I had him put it in his backpack to bring back to school smile

    Last edited by frannieandejsmom; 08/29/11 02:16 PM. Reason: typos
    jeimey #110579 08/29/11 03:21 PM
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    Originally Posted by jeimey
    She's tried to run away several times, and she's having meltdowns. ...She has major overexcitabilities, sensory issues, and asynchronies....I had her evaluated by a developmental psychologist who emphatically said that she does not have any kind of developmental disorder like asperger's, just exceptional giftedness."

    Do you mind if I ask on what grounds they ruled out developmental disorders? Your DD sounds very like mine in kindergarten. He had meltdowns routinely, difficulty following classroom routines, couldn't sit for circle time. It was a very tough run. We were told for years that he was "bright but quirky"-- turned out, gifted with Asperger's.

    Girls with Asperger's are typically under-diagnosed; they usually try hard to be sociable, and their fantasy play is more typical looking than what the boys do (lining up objects), so they "pass," but their issues can be as disabling, since girls have to have such finely tuned social radar to succeed.

    Originally Posted by jeimey
    In May, she had huge self-esteem, but this summer started saying things like, "I want the universe to go away!" "I hate myself", "I want to get killed!" (We have an appointment with a child psychiatrist, but it's not until Sept 2).

    Do keep that appointment. This is something to take very seriously.

    My DS had serious self-esteem problems because he was doing so poorly in school; he thought it was all his fault. Learning he had AS was a huge step in a good direction for him, because it's not his fault.

    Originally Posted by jeimey
    she's so independent and non-conformist; she just wants to do her own thing. The children were supposed to line up at the end of recess, and she wouldn't do it so all the children started chanting her name for her to climb down from the play structure.

    Won't, or can't comply with instructions? How is she on following multi-step directions at home?

    Originally Posted by jeimey
    I realize Montessori can be problematic for some gifted kids, but it's our only viable option as they don't have a gifted school or self-contained gifted classes in our area.

    FWIW Montessori doesn't work well for most kids with Asperger's either-- they are not self-directed learners except in areas that interest them intensely. I think you should try to figure out what's up before switching schools. If there's a disability, public school will have resources private school will not likely provide.

    Originally Posted by jeimey
    I feel horrible, ashamed, and embarrassed ...

    Don't. No matter what it is, it's the hand she's dealt, and it's your job to help her master the challenges that come with that hand. She needs you to stay calm and positive and look for solutions that help her manage herself better.

    (I know, having a kid like this can be very isolating for you. But don't let it happen. Find a few understanding allies.)

    In your shoes I'd ask the school for a multi-factored evaluation, listing everything she's having trouble with and getting the kindergarten teacher to do the same, and see what they come up with. As well as keeping that appt. with the private psych.

    DeeDee

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