Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Picking up the pieces of her self-esteem

DD9 (ADHD, dyslexia) is only three months into school and I don't honestly know how I am going to make it through the rest of the school year. How many times can you hug your child, dry their tears and try to convince them that they are not 'the dumbest person in the class' before you just can't do it anymore? Her teacher is trying her hardest to implement all the accomodations that DD needs, but with a class of 26 (and four others with extensive accomodations)it just isn't enough. I know DD is struggling with math class and I work with her on whatever topic she is struggling with. Biased parenting aside, my kid is damn smart. I only have to explain a concept once and she is off and running. She just needs one-on-one instruction. She cannot pay attention to class instructions and she can't read questions well enough to do independent work OR tests. She has failed more math tests this year than she has passed. Each time, the teacher works with her or sends home the work and then lets her redo the test. But the toll that the 'failure' is taking on DD is unmeasurable.

Is it unreasonable to ask the teacher for a copy of her curriculum so that I can pre-teach DD the concepts? Ten minutes spent going over a concept in advance would make all of the difference to her. The farther we get into grade 4, the more I realize that she is hitting the brick wall I have often heard described. I have always maintained that I can't homeschool DD because her and I butt heads so badly, but we are at a point right now that I worry for her mental health if something doesn't change quickly. Has anyone had success with homeschooling one subject?? I would happily get her a tutor and have her bypass math in school altogether. She sure as heck couldn't do any worse than she is doing right now.

I don't know if I am looking for advice or just venting?
Mostly, I just want to kick something... hard.

I don't know about Canada, but here they usually work off a pre-defined curriculum provided by the school district or state, so getting a copy shouldn't be a big issue.

I sent her teacher an email tonight requesting the curriculum/lesson plan and asked to speed up the IEP adjustment meeting. Crossing my fingers that she is agreeable (it is always so much easier when they are....)

DD was still a mess at bedtime. She is still awake almost two hours later and stressing about math class. I asked her to let me stress about it for her for the next few days and she said, "Mom, you can't fight all of my battles for me. You can pass me the weapons so I can do a better job, though." Off to fill my armoury!

awwwwww! and to answer your question about how long? In our case, 3yrs and almost exactly 2mo, not that she was crying the whole time, but, hindsight is 20/20 and so many things are clear now...

I think getting the cirriculm to prepare is a great idea! I don't know WHY the teacher wouldn't do that...and you should get that written into the IEP

Wow your dd sounds awesome, as do you. I am sure you make a great team.

It sounds like you really need to get the IEP adjusted because clearly her needs aren't being met. Can the school provide the one-on-one help instead of you? If she can't read the test questions I think that needs to be addressed proactively rather than continually failing her and having her redo it. Wouldn't it make more sense to mark the answers she got right and NOT actually score the first test if it doesn't really measure her knowledge? Doesn't it also make more sense for the school to arrange for someone to read the questions to her. This is MATH and she is being penalized because of a disability that affects her reading.

I think it is great idea to get the curriculum and pre-teach the material. I think, though, that the school should be doing this instead of you. If you 2 butt heads she may have an awesome teacher but I hope it's not at the expense of being able to continue to be her awesome mom.

JMHO... Good luck!

Until 5th grade, my son went to a special ed classroom for math and was taught one-on-one with the teacher. She also had an assistant who was available to read any question he couldn't understand, and the assistant would also write out any answers my son dictated if needed. I think it is the only reason he made progress in math - it's still his toughest subject (computation and homework, not concepts). Is this a possibility?

At the beginning of each year, the teachers also issued me a teacher's version of the math text book so I could help him at home when he needed it.

I hope your teacher is as accommodating.

But more than anything, just wanted to give you a cyber-hug and let you know I definitely understand where you are. Hang in there!

I am in australia where mathletics.com is very popular, I am not sure if youhave a US version, but this year I signed DD up early in the year. Like your DD she learns things in minutes 1:1 but gets nothing new in class. She did the whole of the yr 4 curriculum in about 8 weeks and it functioned as a great pre-teaching tool. It's radically improved her success at school. She refused to move on to yr 5, so she hasn't touched it for months, but it was $75 well spent.

So happy that I read this read today. Your question and my response upthread came in very handy this afternoon during teacher conferences.

Classroom teacher (who we LOVE) has been saying that dd needs differentiated instruction in math as well as in reading and writing. We thought this made no sense because of how well she tested in that area. Today she said that dd "hasn't hit any of her benchmarks in math." Thought that was odd and asked a few more questions. Turns out all the 1st grade addition work is being done with manipulatives, sorting and drawing. On the test she was just given numbers to add. I pointed out to the spec ed teacher that it seems dd is being tested on her visual perception and fine motor areas rather than being able to accurately demonstrate her math knowledge. We pulled out her testing from July and she scored higher then than they are recording now. I used your example of your dd's reading disability causing her to fail math tests and presented it as the same thing. Bingo! Looks like we are getting her math instruction modified right after the Thanksgiving holiday!

Thank you forum (and Kathleen'sMum especially!)

Yay!! Isn't this forum the best? Sometimes the things that are so obvious to us, as parents, ellude the teaching professionals.

Thanks to everyone for the support you offered above. It was one of 'those days'. Kathleen's teacher did great damage control yesterday and she came home from school with a smile on her face (apparently the tests do not count for her and she will be getting a B in math - leading me to wonder why the heck she is doing them in the first place??). The principal is all over the situation and has booked a team meeting for next week. Little has been done thus far because the psychologist's report is STILL outstanding. Now, I just need to figure out what kind of accomodations we should be asking for!!

We have had extremely severe problems in the past with ds, now 11, where social fit and academic fit were issues, leading to a serious sense of isolation and finally depression. We kept plugging along asking each year for something different for him, hoping middle school would be a better fit, have more options, etc.
Finally this last week after seeing things wind up about like usual, ds stressing, I'm laying awake at night running through possible parent-teacher-principal conversations in my head, etc., etc., we have decided to home school. Really I was on board with this last year, but wanted to give one more try, as did ds. He has been enjoying one part of school, riding on the bus with one of his best friends. He agreed the other day since he's been coming home feeling horrible nearly every day the last few weeks, that it would be worth trying the homeschool.
Thank goodness. Hopefully we won't drive each other insane.

It's almost ridiculous, actually, the one class where he's always had A's (always) and where I even went so far as to explain to the teacher how ds has felt isolated in the past and disappointed with the lack of challenge, was the worst class.
It's almost like the teacher took this information and decided to single ds out for 'negative reinforcement' of whatever the h*ll she was trying to have them 'learn'.

Sorry more of a vent than any real advice, but I do feel for you, and your dd. Best of luck with the teacher/cooperation!

On the other hand, maybe I do have some advice. Last year when we were churning through another suckish year...I asked the school to quit entirely giving him 'math fact' sheets, which they did, thankfully. And I signed him up for beginning algebra on the epgy site. I had known from trying epgy earlier that the regular math around his grade level were not for him...I would state unequivocally that this increased his self esteem and his own sense of math ability enormously. Instead of saying he hated math, he feels very confident about math. We will be moving forward with more algebra and geometry this year.