Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Two Year Olds Explained

Can someone please help me understand why DS2�
1. starts screeching and wailing a fraction of a second after something doesn�t �work� (e.g. he can�t get something closed, put back together, unstuck, etc. faster than you can read the word �now�).
2. tells me which hand I�m supposed to use to run his train cars along the tracks (I�m supposed to use my left hand and I�m right handed� don�t even think about using your right hand or you�ll get corrected). There are several circumstances where DS2 has a particular way things have to be done.

Is there an age that the hysterics subside?

LOL - my mom would scream and then hold her breath and turn blue at 6 months old if my gramma didn't shovel the food in fast enough. Lots of gifted folks, and not always the most unusually gifted ones, have this thing call overexcitabilities, called OEs for short. Apparently that's just the way some of us are wired.

FWIW, my mom did grow up to be a very determined woman, and not any sign of mental illness in her at all.

Usually when the child can communicate, they stop wailing over every little thing, but it's slow and takes time. Is he much of a talker? My son learned the babysign for more at daycare, and it helped him get his point accross.

Smiles,
Grinity

Your poor Gramma shoveling at lightening speed to abate the bluish-hue.

Fingers crossed there will be no mental illness w/ DS. One can hope.

That's the odd thing; his verbal skills are very good. However, DS2 still gets written up at school. It's not uncommon for DS's teachers to write home that DS2 is either "not using his nice hands with his friends" or "not using his listening ears with his teachers". That's not to say that all days are like this. On Friday one of his 2 teachers was gone and apparently DS was very helpful to the remaining teacher. >shrug<

Remember that 2 year olds are very sensitive to stressful events in the family. They can feel things aren't right but lack the outlets to express it "appropriately." Do the folks at school know that the family is having a rough patch?

The folks at school don't know. DH is very private. I'll have to start paying attention to see if things at school parallel DH's cycles. Interesting thought Acs.

We try very hard to keep DS2 unaware, but I imagine he could sense something is amiss even if he doesn't understand it.

Items 1&2 in my initial post have been going on for a long time. I can't remember if they happened before DS2 turned one though.

Play therapy can be really fun at this age. We used to use DS's stuffed animals to set up a little situation. For example, when DS was switching schools (he was a bit older than your DS), we took a little dolphin toy. I read his tag, "Wow," I said, " Dolphie was made in China. China is a long way from here. How do you think Dolphie felt right before he left all his old friend to come to America?" And DS told me how scared Dolphie was and worried and excited. And I knew that was how DS felt, but DS didn't know we'd done therapy.

You could take for example a mommy dinosaur, a daddy dinosaur, and a "baby" dinosaur and see what he does with his "family." Ask him questions about why they are doing what they are doing. You might see patterns: Does daddy go to the hospital? Does he sleep a lot? Does mommy cry or yell? Just watch and ask a few questions and you should be able to discern a lot about what matters to him right now and what he is noticing. They are pretty transparent at this age. You just have to get down on the floor and relax and listen.

Oh, and two-year-old know when their mother is upset. It's a survival skill!

If anyone wants to read some good stories involving play therapy, look up author Virgina Axline. She wrote "Dibs in Search of Self" among others, a book about her experiences as therapist to a highly gifted young boy. I'd forgotten about it until acs just mentioned play therapy... I read it many years ago.

If it helps, my 3yo is still doing pretty much the same thing your 2yo is, Ann, and we do not have bipolar issues (or any other such dignosis) in our house.

I think watching out for connections to DH's condition is smart, but I'm not 100% convinced you'll see those connections. GT kids tend to be bossy little perfectionists. If things don't go their way, they throw tantrums.

Case in point: THREE kids in an enrichment class I teach for GT kids on Saturdays threw tantrums when things in the game we were playing didn't go their way. They were 6-9yos! So being a bossy, cranky perfectionist at 2yo is sort of to be expected, I think.

I guess what I'm saying is that it may just be part of the normal development of your child. I could be wrong, so watch for signs that it's something more, but I wouldn't be too worried about it unless DS2 acts out more obviously. But what you're describing now, Ann, just sounds like a day in the life of a GT kid to me!

Same here. DS3 has been the same way for very long time. It's actually not as bad anymore, but he used to be a real pain. He is the kind of child who will try to make you redo the whole thing just to have it his way. If you refuse he will throw a huge tantrum. He will do anything to have his way.

Fortunately we don't have any problems in school. He saves it all for home.

I think "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Kurcinka is a great book. It helped me see my DD's qualities in a more positive light. For example, "stubborn" has a negative connotation but "persistent" is positive.

Here is a list from the book:


It's pretty hard (impossible!) to change your child's personality. But you can work to channel his natural tendencies toward their positive aspects.

I'm not sure that I buy the flip side of whiny is analytical (!), but otherwise, I think this is a very nice list and an excellent point.

Thanks, Cathy!

Ann, to answer your original questions, what you describe sounds totally normal to me for a 2 y.o. Uh, lol, two of my kids have SPD, but even my fourth child, who at 21 months is very easy, "low maintenance" and happy, and has no hint of SPD, gets frustrated and starts calling out for mommy about a split second into any difficulty. And even he likes things done a certain way by me, and yes it can be tricky figuring out what that is.

I'm so busy with the others, and just plain lazy, that I often wait for the chorus of "mommy mommy" to get pretty darn loud before I go help out - and really only if I absolutely have to. Half the time he figures it out himself if he tries long enough. The other half of the time, well, either he moves on to something else, or one of his siblings helps, or he comes to get me (he puts his hand under my rear end as if to say, get off your fat ---, mom!). It's irritating when it happens every 5 seconds - those are the long days - like when he's trying to play with his older siblings' little legos and has difficulty taking them apart and putting them together. But generally I tend to think that a little frustration can be a good thing! So, my only piece of advice is to let your 2 y.o. experience that a little bit. Don't rush in to help too quickly. As for doing things a certain way to prevent meltdowns, I'd take that on a case by case basis - there are some things I'm willing to do (e.g. a very specific goodnight or goodbye routine, just so I can get out the door knowing they're not freaking out, because a good solid freak-out can last an hour or more; and if you do it wrong, like waving with the right hand instead of the left and without saying the correct words, you have to start over) but it's not great to let them have their way all the time even though that can make life easier - otherwise then you end up with my dd (long story! she's turning 7 y.o. shortly, and sometimes I still need to explain that I'm in charge of the house, and what I say goes, and I don't care if she didn't want me to move her stuffed animals off the rug so that I could vacuum - too bad; and if I want to wash her dirty laundry I'm going to do it whether she likes it or not; etc. etc.).

Yeah, I wondered about that one, too. Maybe people who complain a lot are analyzing what's wrong with a situation...?

Anyway, the book is very useful for parents of kids with OE's

Cathy

It's one I need to read. Maybe a trip to the library is in order before spring break. A couple of books have been recommended to be here that I've not yet gotten to.

But I don't think I see a positive take on whiny, I'm afraid. Whiny is just bad, all the way around. Rampant, unproductive emotionalism!!!

( to Dottie!)

Yes, Kriston, you need to read it. Trust me! They're not saying it's good for your kid to be whiny.

Oh no, I know. And for most traits I can see the positive way to view the trait. Stubborn vs. persistent is a really good example, I think.

I just can't see any way to view whiny besides whiny! There's no positive anything behind that attribute that I can think of. When only dogs can here you, you're not in a good place!

LOL

I think you just explained my DS2!! He is so particular about the way things are done and he gets frustrated sooo easily when something will not work the way he wants it to. And if he is even the slightest bit tired or hungry, forget it, you can expect a full on laying on the floor cry session if something doesn't work properly. My mom tells me I was the same way as a child. He is also very strong willed. If he wants something, boy he will put up a good fight.

The list Cathy A. provided is great,I love the positive twist!! Good luck, and just know you are not alone!

quote from above "extremely emotional:tenderhearted"

Kriston and Dottie - Somehow "stop that rampant tenderheartedness" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

LMAO!!!

Damnable tenderhearts! All kind and nice and concerned about others and stuff. Ugh!



You're right. It's just not the same.

Just in case someone isn't sold on this book yet, here's a quote:


Sound familiar anyone? Here's another:

I'll work on it...