Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do you help with homework?

This has been bouncing around my head for awhile, so I'm glad that Ultramarina brought it up.

In our household, I've looked at the issue in terms of when "scaffolding" becomes a "crutch."

My DS10 started 7th grade this year -- first year of jr. high in our district -- so I had ample scaffolding in place to help him adjust to the shock of several teachers per day, no recess and considerably more homework than he's seen before.

I have always helped with homework, but this assistance is limited to checking work for accuracy. It's up to him to come to me if he has questions, and even then, I dole out the help in as tiny bites as possible.

It is important in my mind, however, that he gets the work 100% correct before turning it in. Not so much because of the homework grade, but instead because I want him properly prepared for quizzes and tests.

One thing I've stopped doing is pointing out the specific errors, especially in math. I did this because my "scaffolding" had definitely become a "crutch" in that he was racing through his math homework, hoping his rush job would get everything correct, and then he'd simply go back over the problems that needed more effort. This really became frustrating for me so I simply began kicking back the entire assignment telling him only that some were wrong without saying which ones or how many.

Ha.

This turned the tables on frustration and quickly weaned him of the rush jobs. His first-round efforts have improved dramatically as a result. Success!!

(Poor kid. He hasn't figured out that his teacher doesn't record grades for homework --it's simply "complete" or "incomplete.")

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In writing, though, I've not taken down too much scaffolding. I'm very disappointed with the teacher's feedback and believe she's too easy on him. Her idea of an A paper is far removed from mine. Because of this, I work with him on every paper so that I am satisfied with the outcome, knowing that she will accept much less. I remember my essays being positively destroyed by my teachers -- virtual seas of red ink -- and am stunned to see his papers returned with nary a comment beyond, "Nice work!" I really wish she'd spend more time critiquing so that he hears it from someone other than me.

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I'm curious to see where the year ends up and how much I'm really able to back off everything. I'm already trimming back my constant reminders and have replaced most with a checklist that he must review each morning and evening -- so far so good. (He's somehow managed to lose only a single piece of paper in these first three months of school -- that's a huge success!)

I consider homework very important - if nothing else, it's certainly teaching him about time-management. My parents' entire involvement was simply, "Is it done?" And too often I'd say, "Yup," hoping I'd figure out a way to tackle it in the morning before class. That was likely where I began the keen development of my procrastination habits.

I was still working with my daughter at age 7. She did the work, but I checked it and we discussed it together. We had so much fun doing it. I was usually cooking supper at the same time so I was not giving my full attention.

She is now fourteen and a freshman in high school. She rarely wants help anymore, but she does like me being around her. And at this age, I jump at the chance to be around her. I helped her with Spanish verb conjugations and words, but am very impressed at how she keeps up with everything. I often review any papers she has, but have had to make very few changes.

I don't have advice except to say that you probably don't have to back off very much. Teachers do not have very much time with each student and your help does allow them to learn more and to learn to organize their work.

I appreicate all the perspectives here. I told DD that we are going to sit down and talk about what she wants from homework time and what I want, and how to make homework time more pleasant and less stressful. I think we'll come up with some good ideas.

I will add here that one major stressor I haven't mentioned is her little brother, who adores her and is chomping at the bit to go and play with her as soon as she gets home. He is 3, and he is loud and chatterboxy and hyper, as 3yos are. Talking to him and being distracted by his antics definitely prolongs the HW pain. But she doesn't want to go to her room to do the work (she's an extrovert and always wants to be where the people are). I truly do not know how people homeschool with toddlers and preschoolers around!

I wish there was less of the homework, really. She gets about 7 pages of math, one longish writing assignment (about a page), and a two-sided spelling worksheet every week, plus various independent projects. She also is required to read aloud to us at least 20 min a day, which I think is awesome in many ways (it's been great for her vocabulary) but is a time commitment for sure.

I am sure that there are different opinions on this, but I definitely would push the homework if it is something doable...and it doesn't sound like he has all that much. He's going to have to learn to work on homework to pass in the future. In our house, you get a snack and can't do anything else until homework is done. It's not an issue for DS7 but it may be in the future and it's important to get the routine down. If he wants to spend forever doing it, it's just less time for other things. He does get distracted some and has a 4yo sister who can distract him....but other times she asks for homework and does homework next to him. I wouldn't get onto your son for not doing it...just don't let him do other stuff until it's done. For us the 30 minutes he gets on the Wii would be a big motivator. But when you mention the situation with DH that makes it really hard. 7pm homework time is not very fun. I would just ask DH to make sure he checks his homework before he gets to do any privileges. Maybe he will be on board for that....Hopefully! Good luck!

Our son's teacher checks his homework well...so that's another reason I don't really have to. He usually gets everything right and if he doesn't he has somehow already corrected it before bringing it home. The teacher is quite structured, and very perfectionistic. A little too much at times. She will write things and put arrows if she wants things moved over. She once wrote on a test "did you study every night for this? you seemed surprised you had a test today." This because he got 2 wrong on a social studies test (still the highest in the class). She corrects all his grammar and addresses neatness, etc.

We have always expected our daughter to complete her homework and work the bonus questions. This has paid off handsomely in Middle School and High School when the hormones kick in. She knows our expectations and completes the work-no matter how important she thinks it is. At this age, they don't think any of it is important.

P.S. I wish there was a "like" button for Dandy's response.