Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Ugh another terrible fit

I really need some advice from the experts on how to deal with the teacher/school my DD is currently attending.

First, a little history. DD is 6 and in first grade at a small private school. She also went to the same school for preschool. At the recommendation of teachers and family members we had her tested at 4y 10m. Here are her scores-

WPPSI-III scores (percentiles)
Verbal 133 (99)
Performance 127 (96)
Processing Speed 143 (99.8)
FSIQ 138 (99)

We took the report to her school and they assured us that they could provide her with an education that would meet her individual needs. We believed them since DD had such a great experience in PreK.
Last year Kindergarten was horrible. Her teacher was clueless. This example will sum it up- When I told her that some people assign pictures to words because they are visual spatial her response was, "People really do that. I had no idea"
We decided to stay for one more year because we had heard that the 1st grade teacher was wonderful. And here is where it gets worse. DD and several classmates did 1st grade math last year but because the school got a new math program over the summer they started them all at the beginning of 1st again this year. Apparently, they did this across the school. Needless to say, there are quite a bit of unhappy parents. The school is unwilling to change this, instead they are trying to move them through it fast. Strike 1.

On top of this I told the teacher at the beginning of school that DD needs to be placed where she can't see everything that is going on in the class while she is doing her work or being assessed. Her brain moves really fast, she sees and hears everything and is distracted by it all. For the first 2 weeks of school while she was being assessed they didn't move her. They finally moved her during the third week of school and commented on how much it helps her. On top of that they didn't reassess her. She is in the bottom level LA group in her class. Strike 2.

Yesterday, DH had a meeting with her teacher. He asked her to move DD up in math and LA. She flat out said no. She said he could talk to the principal and if principal agreed then she would move her reluctantly. Strike 3.

In this meeting she also told DH that we should have DD evaluated for ADD/ADHD because she doesn't complete her assignments in class. I think my jaw hit the floor when I heard this. The teacher clearly isn't hearing us. Strike 4.

Thanks for listening. What do we do? It is clear that we need to move her to another school but would it be detrimental to do it now? Would you wait until winter break or next year. I have been putting my feelers out. There are some good public schools in districts close to us. I so torn between wanting to throw books and research at them and running far away fast. Then I feel like maybe I am crazy (impostor syndrome) and just need to back off.

Lisa

I would move her asap.

We don't have direct experience with moving mid-year, but have several schoolmates and friends who have done so. It was a relief for all of them when the move occurred. The children and parents were all happier. You've given this school plenty of chances.

Requiring children to re-take a year of 1st grade math just because they have a new curriculum is ridiculous. They've mastered the material. I would be out of there as quickly as possible. Search for a school where the administration has a record of moving kids to different grades for different subjects when needed. Your DD obviously needs to be in 2nd grade math this year, and an administration who is currently accelerating some children within the school will serve your needs best.

I think moving your daughter NOW is certianly fine, and you should definitely start the search. (Be sure to believe nothing you hear, and observe potential classroom and classroom teachers - the teacher makes such a big difference!)

On the other hand, the teacher has handed your DH an opening. It is worth trying, if only to buy you sometime so that you don't jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Certianly try and get an appointment with the Principle right away, and explain the situtaion and have DH repeat his request. I wouldn't be at all fazed by the teacher posturing that she'll be reluctant - she probably is either venting or posturing so that if things don't work out she won't be blamed. (Manuvering to avoid blame and placing blame is a major pre-occupation with many adults, it's normal behavior. Not attractive, but not pathological either. It's how many human beings live day to day.)

I've heard of plenty of situations where once the child is correctly placed, the teacher starts to enjoy the child, the child enjoys school, and everyone signs with relief. It can be positive, and my guess is that you've already committed to paying for the full year of school, so at the very least DH should visit the Principle and ask for 'pre-emptive' placement, or negotiate for a tuition refund and get out of there.

Now that your DD is 6, she can get a WISC IV IQ test, which might show a fuller picture of what's up with her. The main thing that you'd like to see is that she is in fact with kids who share the same 'ready to learn' level that she does. It wouldn't be suprising in a private school or an 'above average' pubilic school that there would be at least a few others in her classroom with a similar readiness level. With a teacher who is willing to pull those few together and give work that matches that readiness, then you could expect (or at least hope)the fit to work out just fine.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Another option is to ask to move your DD to grade 2 rather than have the grade 1 teacher differentiate. There are a number of books you can quote from to make your case. Also, who tested her? Perhaps they can help you advocate or can make recommendations?

The nice thing about a new school, though, is that you can preset the attitudes toward your child and your family. It is a fresh start.

A flexible school is a must. Our son, Mr W, is 3 and is in an academic PreK with 4/5 year olds. He is still way ahead of the kids in his class. The teachers give him worksheets from K and 1st grade to work on when they do academic stuff and spend time with him. He loves it and brings everything home to show us. We got a bit of a push-back from one staff member when she learned his age - but now she has drunk the Mr W kool aid, too. LOL.

We pulled him out of his Montessori school because the teacher said he was not "doing his work,", ie 12 piece puzzles, because she stopped his evaluation at age three level because "we don't eval past their age," yet she did not think he was bored with the stuff in her class which he could do at 18 months. The woman was blind. If she was blind to us, then she was blind to him.

I will be watching this thread closely to see what you do...I am having a similar problem with not doing classwork and you are the first otherr person I've seen mention it...the difference being that I have stuck it out with our magnet school because it's small, K-12 and I believe in my heart they are the best fit for my child, if they can figure out how to give her what she needs.
I think, in retrospect, I wish we had moved her sooner before she had time to bond with the kids at the school she is at...our GATE tracked schools are too big for my taste, since they are usually special classes in a regular elementary, so it's still a big noisy crowded school and the charters are pretty hard to get in to...

Thank you for all your responses. It is so nice to share with people who get it and who have been there. I really appreciate all the advice and words of wisdom.

We have decided to retest our DD and to move her from her current school. The school has repeatedly shown us that they don't understand gifted kids and since they are so small there is little flexibility with teachers etc. We have set up interviews with 3 local schools over the next few weeks. We are going to take it slow so we don't "don't jump out of the frying pan and into the fire".

Lisa

((hugs)) Lisa - Best Wishes!
Grinity

It makes me really really angry that they are having bright children repeat math they already know.

Don't necessarily throw away the ADD/ADD-in comment. Who knows what's going on in that classroom. I guess I would find out if you could even have ADD with a processing score that is that incredibly high. I don't know how they interact. Once your child gets in a better fit classroom, that will be a better time to consider if their might possibly be any truth to that comment. Girls are tricky.