Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional boo hoo hoo detention already....

Hmm, the other kid took his lunchbox? That's aggravated robbery. The other kid is verbally taunting and constantly pursues? That's harassment. Your son has a school approved IEP due to being 2E? The school has been advised and done nothing?

Sounds actionable to me.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/educat...s-parents-self-defense-courts/50363256/1

There are a number of these now in court. One of the cases here in TX involved a boy who was PG and bullied.

IMHO the school's actions have disarmed your son psychologically as well as physically and now have created an open climate for him to be persecuted.

Yeah, it's an involved process. The part of a BIP that I think is routinely ignored but essential is the part that lays out what typically happens *before* the behavior, and what must be done to prevent the behavior. It's a legally binding document-- which means if it's written well it can help you get them to prevent unwanted behavior rather than acting on it after the fact.

Is anybody at school (special ed teacher?) taking data on interpersonal conflict and what the antecedents typically are? Data of this kind are terrific, if you can get them and if they were taken well: they reveal what's really going on and how to solve it in a way that anecdotes do not. (We have had to resort to our own behaviorist taking data, depending.)


You can certainly make your case that this isn't working. Find out from your advocate how to press the school to fix the bullying.


Yes, your experts are going to have to work on revising the school staff's understanding. I hope you can get them there.

Hang in there,
DeeDee

I don't know what to say, except that I understand and feel what you are going through.� My ds10 (now 5th) went through school bullying k�- 2nd.
He is also 2e-ish (asd &/or add traits) but not diagnosed, and these traits seem to be lessening since he started at a new school in 3rd grade.
But b/c of the three�years of bullying (& not only by the students), and lack of positive interaction experiences at school,�he has behavioral issues that he needs to work through.� And as he gains more & more�experience interacting with other kids and teachers�he is learning that everyone is not out to "get him."

I just don't know what to say about the fact that sooooo many schools think that they can do nothing about bullying. What is needed is an anti-bullying positive reinforcement culture (see below).
I know this sounds bad, but it seems that many of the schools are resistant to the changes required to help prevent bullying.

I feel this could be so, because the steps that are necessary to prevent bullying often goes against the cultures�of�the schools.
The principal would not only have to confront the kids who did the bullying and their parents, but also the�teachers, and the "status quo"

For instance, in your case, �the boys that took your sons lunchbox�do not appear to be experiencing� anything but encouragement to isolate your boy further.� In a positive reinforcement culture of anti-bullying these students would be experiencing negative teacher attention.��
What I mean by negative attention is the following scenario. Positive attention would be�given to your boy for example, the teacher could state to your boy,�

"You really showed restraint right now by�flenching your fists instead of more punching.� I know I would feel the same way if my lunchbox was stolen and when I tried to get it back I'm the one who�got in trouble.�I'm am�proud of you. �I know it takes a lot of strength�to do the right thing when others aren�t."�

This should be done so other students can observe this exchange.� This needs to be done carefully with support, especially in the beginning. He should not be alone at unstructured times, but the� bullies have not been directly punished by the teacher. The teacher has just given praise to the victim.� In general the adults also give praise to any students who did not join in.� Overtime this praise takes off.� The students begin to police themselves.� I'm trying to remember where this program is being�successfully implemented.� I heard about it on 20/20, Good Morning America, or Frontline.� It was�started by the father of a son who was bullied, and it has been transferred to other schools successfully. I have also read articles on this�technique of positive peer reinforcement being used where research is supporting its use.�Of course, there must be adult supervision during unstructured times.

I will try to find the program's details, and the articles I have read on this topic.
But a book that I do recommend is, "Perfect Targets: Asperger Syndrome and Bullying--Practical Solutions for Surviving the Social World",
by, Brenda Smith Myles, Ph.D., is an associate professor, University of Kansas. Brenda Myles is an internationally recognized authority on Asperger Syndrome and Autism

It is possible, though its appears to be a pipe dream for me, that parents of a district could from a group to work together and gather� the names of the successful anti-bullying programs, along with videos, guest speakers, and experts who have done research in this area.
These groups could attend� broad meetings and begin the long road of�anti-bullying advocacy.�� Though I am�passionate about this topic, I in the end just pulled my son out of his school.� His new school deals with some of these issues without even needing to be asked... for the most part.

If I go back to high school teaching I will be getting involved with this topic.� But this would be a topic for the other thread of, reaching your potential or on being self-fulfilled.

Some of the worst bullying I experienced was in college.

While it didn't happen to me, one of my pseudo friends (who I later found out was bipolar) had a roommate who he and one of my former roommates (who was a 4.0 student who won ethics awards) really abused.

They would cut the parts out of his books that he needed, empty out his shampoo bottles and fill it with crud, cut holes in his pants, etc. They really wanted to harass him to the point he dropped out. That was the goal of their college bullying, I think.

So, bullying doesn't stop in elementary and high school.

Thanks again everyone. Austin, I'm printing that article to take with me to our meeting.

Dee and barbarajean, The principal got DS a "job" in the media center for lunch and recess. So I feel like he will be safer from the bullying, but it does nothing to change the culture of the school's permissiveness of it. Thank you for the example of positive modeling. That is something we can use in our meeting. The way lunch and recess is right now is NOT working. We plan on continuing our advocacy for this during our IEP meeting.

Kate

I agree that children who take other kids' things should be punished, but when does "verbal taunting" become "bullying"? Are administrators going to enforce a rule that no one can ever say something unkind? To what extent do children have free speech rights in public schools that are effectively part of the government?

Good luck.

One thing to keep in mind is that if your son is on the spectrum is that he may not react to a lot of social cues and the other boys and girls may take that as weakness. Further, because he has less experience with emotions, he may not handle it was well when he finally does feel them. As an adult, others see you as being totally calm, but that's another story...

I know that when I am insulted, it usually takes me a day or two to realize it. LOL.

I moved around a lot and got some taunting when I first went to a new school. Sports are an acceptable way to be aggressive for kids and after a few aggressive minutes on the field focusing on particular people, people left me alone. Something to think about as well. This not an option for all kids, but is for some.

Another is to befriend the largest boy in the class. Either via your son or via playdates. Then build this circle the same way.

I don't have anything to add, as Grinity and DeeDee and everyone has comprehensively covered everything I might have said, but I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand where you're coming from! Including "earlier than usual", LOL!

DS9 hasn't (knock on wood) had any "bully slips" so far this year, but I'm sure we'll get some eventually. He is 2E with Asperger's and prone to just the sort of incident your DS just had. It sounds like your school just isn't handling it properly, and I'm sorry for that. Our school gives him the same "bully slip" or "pink slip" that any other kid would get, but at least the IEP protects him from suspension. They come up with creative ways to "punish" him for the infractions, along with counseling and social skills sessions and practice in understanding what it is that he did, but he can't be suspended for three pink slips like someone else would be. That was a good thing in first or second grade (second, I think) when he got six in one year! Last year I think it was only two. Progress.

I wish you the best of luck with this!

i think the book From Emotions to Advocacy is great for times like this. And also Rosalind Wiseman's bullying curriculum, Owning Up. Even if you can't convince the school to incorporate it, it might be worth reading yourself to give your son some tools to deal with it. There was a special about bullying on CBS last night. I am so sorry your son is in this situation.

Is your son a client of CARD? You can have them come to the school and train the aides and work with staff/teachers. What county are you in?