Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Success factors

There are so many internal and external factors that contribute to one�s success and/or happiness, and I believe that many parents underestimate the influence they have on these factors. As a mother I can contribute to forming the internal factors that I believe will be important to my children�s future success and happiness. Self-motivation, self-esteem, emotional stability, positive and realistic world view, and ability to form interpersonal relationships are qualities that I would like my children to have. Many of the external factors I believe are connected to one�s cultural and social capital. This is where our understanding of what is needed to succeed in current educational system comes in and we can help our children to develop skills and knowledge so that they can be successful academically. We also have numerous ways of contributing to our children�s social capital. This may include guiding them in career selection and helping them in college selection process.
Have your read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers?

Yes, read Outliers. His view was when you were born was a big factor for opportunities.

Though I think that as parents we can also limit our children by our worldview. My parents were European, came over after the war, my father was able to study in England as a vet and then come to Canada as a British subject. My mother came over and had to redo some of her education, do a quick study of English in order to practice in Canada. They met there.

Since they lost everything and only had their education, that was their mantra and because science was a practical and secure thing, medicine for my mother and engineering for my father, those are the things they pushed, believing they provided secure jobs. I took engineering but as an Outlier was in the right place at the right time and got a job as a research analyst at Merrill Lynch, beating out MBAs. The kind of job my parents, and as a result me, didn't know existed but fell into my lap.

I do not know what DD will choose. But I try not to limit her view on what the possibilities could be. Sometimes that is hard to do from where we are ourselves.

Ren

Different times have different opportunities, and it's to be expected that it won't be obvious to us as parents of smallish children what the opportunities will be for them - maybe they've been born in just the right time and place for something, but we're unaware of it. (Sometimes one can guess. DS the other day said something the other day about wanting to design tiny machines to do things inside people's bodies to help make them well. I don't know whether he'll be a nano-machines-for-health pioneer, but I do think it quite likely that there are people around his age now who will be, and I do think his emerging skillset might suit him well for that role, so I let him know that I thought this was a very promising avenue to think about following!) I think you're right that we have to try hard not to limit our children's views of what's possible, but since they naturally care what we think it's hard!

I also think that it's really common for children of parents who have been through hard economic times, and come out the other side, to grow up automatically valuing material success more than most people do - sometimes even more than the parents who went through the experience. It's scary as a child to know that your parents are, or were at one point, struggling financially. It's much easier to deprioritise wealth if you've never known anything other than a financially steady (even if not wealthy) existence.

self acceptance, serenity with any choice, living at peace with yourself and the world, compassion, internally directed motivations.

But, my IQ is only 130, so maybe I don't qualify.

What's going to happen is More Successful Doctor/Businessman is going to retain his position because he's paid by wealthy people.

Less Successful Doctor is going to suffer the loss of income, sliding further away from More Successful Doctor because he's paid by Medicare/Medicaid/Private Insurance.

The only one of these that I have is compassion. I pretty much have to when I deal with disabled/dying/homeless people.

I didn't even understand what an "internally directed motivation" was until about a year ago.

I totally disagree with this. I know a lot of 99th% people in terms of IQ, very few of whom are in the 99th percentile for wealth. (I think I know exactly one person who fits both descriptions--and she is not that happy, IMO.) While some of them may not be totally satisfied with their lives, certainly many don't feel bad about themselves at all.

My comment wasn't meant to be that serious, just a representation of the hypercompetitive mindset more than anything else.

It's pretty hard to get to 99th percentile in wealth because a number of environmental factors come into play, some of which function as brick walls - such as picking a career track that guarantees that you will basically spend everything you earn.

Success is like beauty (in the eye of beholder). Really beautiful/successful people are easy to spot but as long as you are happy with who you are, who cares what others think.

As parents, we all want our kids to be successful (rich, famous, etc..) There are many HG kids who falter in the real world because of personality issues and who are profoundly successful (like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, etc..)

Success depends on the hardwork, dedication, social skills beside IQ and choices that you make in life. If the 1st doctor chose organ transplant/neurosurgery/invasive cardiology specialty (when he pick his residency), he could make 1 mil/yr like the other doc. But if he chose the specialty that he enjoys, I am sure he is happy going to work everyday. I would say that he is successful himself too. But if he wants the other guy's pay, then he is a failure within himself.

The same goes with the organ transplant doc. If he wants Bill Gates money, he is a failure (in his soul).

Money can't buy happiness but it helps you opportunity to have happiness (ability to go vacation, eat at favorite restaurants, etc..) and you can find happiness unrelated to money and success (material).

I have a secretary who had a online college degree (at 50 yrs old) and she believes she is successful because she is the 1st one in her family to graduate college. She makes about 40k and she is content with her life (livng in a modest home and drives a modest car). She did not balme her parents that she couldn't go to college after high school because they couldn't afford it. She worked soon after high school, got married, had kids and divorced. She is at peace with turn of events in her life.

A nurse who works for me makes about 80k. She drives a nice car and lives in a nice house but always complained about how high the mortage and car loan payments are. She wants to keep up with the Joneses and she is practically living pay check to pay check.

I want my kids to be scientists, innovators or CEOs of fortune 500 companies one day. But if they are not interested and pursue their dreams, I will teach them to be happy. If they find their balance in life, that will be my success (at least in my soul) in raising my kids.

May you all find success!

2% of the global population is much more than 2% of the United States. If Business Doc is already attracting foreign cash, he's going to continue to be in demand even as the U.S. fiscal position deteriorates in the coming soverign debt fiasco and much of wealth and prestige of Doctorland is blasted to pieces.

And there's a difference between Standard Med and Help Me Save Me Now Med, see cardiac surgery, radiation oncology, and our friend Business transplant doc, etc...people with money (and current insurance) who need their lives saved.

Now, what *could* blow a hole in Business Doc's life would be grow-your-own organs, but I bet you that Business Doc is already on top of that trend and ready to capitalize.