Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Help with preparing a child for a grade skip

Well to our complete shock, we finally heard back from the school regarding DS6 almost 7 psychoeducational eval that we sent to the school, and they want DS to start 2nd grade on the August 22nd.

He just had a really bad experience at science camp with older (entering 2nd, 3rd, 4th graders). He is now scared of being with older kids. DS needs more acceleration in every subject and another 2 years more for math. So how can I easy him and prepare him for this grade skip. I know when I tell him that it went through he is going to get worried and I can already anticipate there will be problems the first few months as he adapts and make new friends again.

I was so worried and sad at how bad camp was this week for him last night that I was not going to push for grade skip at the meeting we requested based on the eval, but there was no meeting just a phone call that he would enter 2nd grade and everyone would meet a couple day after school starts to make his IEP and make sure all his need are met, include SPD, further math acceleration, etc. DH got the call and when he told me I was shocked.

Please provide me with all the advise you can in making this a positive transition for DS, I am happy that the school finally sees his unique needs and so worried at the same time and how he is going to respond.

DS tends to keep feeling to himself, because they can be too overwhelming for him but he then starts to act out very bad in frustration. At camp he kicked over one of the groups project and damaged it. I talked to him how damaging others things that they worked hard to build was wrong, unkind and most definitely would not help him make friends. But I worry that his impulsiveness can be at times too strong. He has problems at the beginning of K adapting as well. He is more of an extrovert but new environments can be challenging for him.

I don't know what I would do without this forum. It is hard not having anyone to talk to and get advise from. But here there are many who have been through these experiences to gain wisdom and prespective from. Thank you!

Take a deep breath, and get some perspective. He is almost seven. That is not an unusual age for a second grader - he is probably within a few months of age of many of the kids in his new class. The bad experience he just had was with kids up to three or four years older than he is. The difference between being with second graders and being with fourth graders is a big difference. So there is no reason to think that this won't be much better for him. Instead of looking at this as him being placed with older kids, you could easily and accurately look at it as being placed with kids more his own age.

It sounds like working on expressing his feelings through words before they become so intense that he has to express them through actions is probably going to be an area where you and the teacher will need to give him some support and direct instruction. You might also want to give some thought to teaching him self-soothing or calming strategies. If you have an IEP, try to find a way to get behavioral supports that you think would be helpful written in. If he gets overwhelmed in new situations easily, there may be some sensory integration/OEs going on. Has he ever been assessed for this sort of thing?

I wouldn't make long-term projections about his ability to handle being with older kids in general based on a few days at a summer camp. A lot depends on the particular children in a given group, and on the atmosphere created by the adults in charge. If he got to the point of completely losing it, it sounds like the person in charge wasn't doing a very good job of paying attention to the group dynamics.

I would present it to your child with the attitude that this a great thing and that school is going to be better this year than last year. If he is specifically worried about the other children being older, I would point out that he is going to be seven during the year, just like the kids in his new class are seven.

We just did this last year, and moved schools so it was a double whammy for our son and it was certainly nerve racking so I know how your feeling! As aculady said above, the science camp seemed to be much older children , and I also think it would be a lot less structured than a class will be at school.
My son struggles with impulsiveness, and over the years it has gone from aggression ( in prek-k) when he got overly frustrated, to now just not being able to stop talking when necessary, and other smaller impulsive behaviors...but it progresses every year that he grows (thankfully, the first few years gave me a lot of grey hairs ). I think depending on where your son goes to school ( region ) 7 won't be a bad age for 2nd grade at all, he'll be with quite a few who will have turned 7 within a few months of him depending on birthdays and possibly maybe a year older...so not a huge gap. We found a little bit bigger gap when DS went into 3rd at 7 but it still wasn't overly huge (he was with kids anywhere from 8-10).
Just keep preparing him so the situation isn't totally foreign when he walks in on his first day. Will he get to go to a meet the teacher night before hand, where parents and students are in attendance? That might ease some anxiety over who he will be with for the year. It sounds like the school is willing to accomodate, and work with you and that is huge...I've worked with a school who was like that with my son, and one that isn't....it makes a world of difference! Good luck to your son, and know if it doesn't work out, you can always chose to have him go back to his original grade and figure out other ways to accelerate him until he is more ready for that type of jump but I think you'll find he'll settle in ok!

I am giving the wrong answer to the request: �Help with preparing a child to skip a grade�.

But I hope to offer a different view. I am intimately familiar with a kid who skipped more than 6 grades.

�He is now scared of being with older kids.� � To me, this is a red flag. I would seriously reconsider the benefit of skipping a grade if the child is having an issue. What will the child gain by skipping a grade? If the answer is to offer a better match to the educational level of the child, then there are remedies. At that age and level (1st grade), the parents could easily do a better job than the school by offering a tailored made education � the parents who home school their child did just that. Kids who excelled, they all seem to have learned more from home than school (at least at that young age). There seems to be little to gain by skipping a grade. I met the parents of some of the Davidson fellows � all of them are very involved and attentive to their children�s education. I met a professor, he told me that he was so fortunate that he has a job that he could work anywhere. So the professor drove her daughter (a Davidson fellow at 14) to various extra curriculum functions and he waited for her on the floor doing his work. Not everyone is so fortunate. Just want to make a point how much the parents can do for their child. The professor�s extra effort placed his daughter among the Davidson fellows.

I would be very cautious not to dampen the child�s interest and would instead find ways to further nurture and grow that interest.

There is an interesting article, �Raising an Accidental Prodigy� (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704559904576230570655238148.html).
The interest as well as talent of one of the gifted kids described in the article was sadly dampened when the parents made a wrong decision. Later on, that musical talent faded away.

Thank you.
DS seems to be ok with the idea, now that we have let him know. I told him that he would be the same age as most of the kids in his class and if the cut off date to enter K had not been Sep 1 he would have been in that grade anyway. (He missed the cut off by a few days.) So it is not a big deal other than he will have to make new friends again. And I also told him that since it is an accelerated 2nd grade class a lot of the material will be 3rd grade level and he will have the opportunity to learn more.
Yes he does have sensory integration problems Aculady. He started OT a few weeks ago. Hopefully it will help with the impulsiveness. I hope we can work with his new teacher more closely now that we know why he behaves the way he does. Work in more sensory breaks into his day.
Of course I'm nervous for him, but at the same time I know that changes need to be made so that he does not spend 85% of his day bored in school and tuning out most of it.
I'm happy that so far the school has seen that he needs accomodations beyond what he received during K. I hope the meeting with Principal, teachers, and GT coordinator allow for more flexibility with math than just 3rd grade math for the year. But at least we are making progress, so I am grateful.

I have one last question. DS has one friend that was in his class last year and would have been in his class again if he were going into 1st. How do I explain the grade skip to his mother? Skips are very rare in the school, DS may be the second.
His friend is very bright and they have a lot of common interests and get along very well, so I don't want him to lose his first real friend.

That's great that your DS is on board. It helps that he's close to age of the kids in the receiving class. Maybe you can use that as part of your explanation to the mother of DS's friend? Along with explaining that the school thought it was the best decision based on evaluations they did? Or that DS already knew the material that they would be teaching in 1st?

If it were me, I would emphasize that your DS still wants to keep the friendship alive, and ask if you can set up regular playdates or sleepovers, etc. Will your DS be able to be in any outside school activities with his friend, like cub scouts?

My son skipped 1st, and remains friends with a boy who is a grade lower. We just set up as many play dates as possible.

Don't worry about the other child and having to explain anything to the other parent. DC left her best friend behind as well as all her classmates and it hasn't been an issue at all. They still see each other at school and still can interact, so it is fine. If they wouldn't be in the same class if there is more than one teacher per grade, just explain that part to your child. As far as the other mother, you don't owe any explanations. If she asks, just say, it was a mutual decision with the school. my DC was the first child ever to be skipped at our school and believe me, it raised a LOT of questions, but it's mostly old news now. I still get some questions, but mostly that of shock that they had no clue DC was any younger etc.