Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy So frustrated!

Anyone have any advice for a mom who feels like every time she opens her mouth to her childs school, that shes talking to deaf ears, or somehow causing them to feel like they are being slighted?
I'm just so exhausted from having to fight for every inch my son is given...If I hear " all the kids in the class are bright..." one.more.time...which is a crock! All my sons professional testing may as well have been done by Ronald McDonald by their standards because they don't believe in acceleration, and this and that, and well anything other than every kid is average.
It doesn't help that we are currently stuck here, and its not a choice assignment to say the least...I'm just so overly frustrated I'm ready to explode. I don't see why people can't grasp that some kids are just on another level. It doesn't say anything bad about the other kids at all, I have two that are perfectly fine in their grade at public school without any extras necessary. Its like gifted means every kid in the population here that can get an A...which is just plain dumb!
<banging head on wall> I guess dealing with the same people over and over expecting a different result puts me in the crazy department too!
What do some of you do to cope with the frustration of this world where there is so much lack of knowledge, or understanding?

I'm sorry you are going through this. When we had communication breakdowns at our DS's last school, I took the route of asking very nicely if we could start over and stated that I thought that there must just be some miscommunication. We offered all kinds of ideas that would not be time-consuming for the teachers.

Do you have other support? We had some experiences where the teachers were more willing to listen to dad.

How old is your son? Can he do any self advocacy? Maybe if the teacher hears from your son that he sees that all the other kids are learning new things every day, and he really would like to learn some new things too?

Has the school tested your DS on their own? Our DS's school suddenly became more willing to see the differences in DS when they tested him using their own tests.

We thought we had no choice too, but then we thought it might not be so bad to drive 45 minutes to school to open up our choices. Are there any out-of-the-box choices that maybe you've discounted in the past, but they now are possibly more appealing due to the situation?

Have you given them them "A Nation Deceived"? Suggested the Iowa Acceleration Scale? Sometimes, having the research and data staring at you in black and white can make a difference.

Threaten to sue them.

Draft a lawsuit.

Then file it.

Thank you for your suggestions. I'm just beaten down at this point and trying to hold on for DS. I'm really hoping the reassignment comes through, but if it doesn't after talking to a few people who know DS best, I may just have to pull him and homeschool until we can get somewhere with a quality option. (not optimal as I'm a 4th year student myself but it is what it is) I just don't see this traditional structure changing, but I do have a few books to share with his teacher if she is willing to read them from the Gifted Development Center and I need to pick up the Deceived one online.
As for suing, we are somewhere that I doubt it would matter

I have felt the same way ... again and again and again. I feel like a total failure, but I decided that continuing to bang my head on that wall would get me nothing but a concussion, so I stopped.

Instead, with each new teacher I try to explain DS's needs ever so gently, then tell them a few little tidbits that worked in the past (like alternative spelling words, permission to move to an isolated seat when the distraction is too great), and then, if those are implemented and somewhat successful, I might be bold enough to ask for one more tiny morsel of accommodation.

And by that time it's spring and none of them care anymore because it's almost the end of the year.

(I know, not helpful. But at least you know you're not alone.)

I am feeling the same way-- actually feeling very much like I failed to successfully advocate for my child. They just beat me down. I've been losing sleep all summer about this coming school year. I'm worried that dd will start to lose faith in me.

Some kids are just not going to get the kinds of accomidations that they need during their school years. It's terrible, and needs to be mourned and vented - here - but remember that your power as a parents is much much larger than your role as an advocate.

If you have exhausted all the possibilities, and the probabilities too, then it's time to accept the loss and switch focus on what you do have power over - having a rich family life, afterschool activities, summer time.

It's ok to let school slide for a year or two if you just don't have the resources to make it right at this time and 'be on deck' for the next opportunity to make things go well.

There have been years like that for our family. Please don't let them sour your overall family experience.

Love and More love,
Grinity

I'm so grateful to have a place to express what I'm feeling without people looking at me like I've really gone over the edge! I just want to see that twinkle in his eye that I caught a glipse of at center we had him tested at this summer when he was interacting with a couple of other boys...it was the first time in his 7 years at that point that I had ever seen him interact like he was a perfect fit...
I slept very little last night worrying about today, and am waiting to hear how it went in a few hours.
Grinity, thanks for stressing not to forget about the other pieces of our family life where we can have an impact...we try and do as much as possible in our home life to enrich our kids lives...I just want it all I guess so to speak. I will keep in mind to remain as positive at home with him, and go the extra mile though to try and make up for what is lacking in other places. First in order is applying to DYS, just waiting on his reference letter to be filled out...
Breathe in....breathe out. Its amazing how many people think this "gift" comes with a box of chocolates and roses attached to it...oh if they only knew...

Excellent News! Good luck with getting the DYS application all together. I think that the best way to 'get it all' is to focus on that you actually have influence over. Stephen Covey wrote that the area of influence grows the longer we focus to achieving good stuff inside it. I hope that's true. Hopefully your family consultant will be a very helpful addition to your advocacy efforts, but even if not, I believe that what kids really need the most is knowing that you tried to stand up for them.

Peace,
Grinity