Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy motivation?

I have tried really hard to raise DS7 to believe that the learning is more important than the grade. As he finishes first grade, I'm finally starting to see that lesson start to sink in. He doesn't get so worried anymore if his grades are less than 100 (which caused a total meltdown at the beginning of the year) but is very proud of things he has learned. I have also seen him begin to make an effort to make independent efforts to learn. But over the past couple of months, I've noticed that since he has begun to focus on LEARNING, he puts NO effort into showing what he has learned. If he gets an assignment that doesn't challenge him, he rushes through it, often not even reading the entire question before answering it. When I say something about it, he says, "I wasn't learning anything from that." Sigh. Anyway, I love that his focus is on knowledge and not grades. But when he gets older, his grades will determine his ability to get into college and such. I want to start good habits now, and I think I may have made a mistake in downplaying the grades to the point that he doesn't care about them at all. Any tips on how to show him that learning is more important, but he needs to keep his grades up as well?

Just tell him we know learning is more important than good grades but grades are how we prove to other people that we already learned it. If we get bad grades the teacher thinks we don't know. In other words the grades aren't for us, they're to prove it to other people. The learning is for us.

Kids feel better when they do their best, by checking work and being careful. Grades are important because they give us more choices to a good highschool and to take better classes (AP).

The other responses are great, and here is one other that you might use: I would say that learning is very important for its own sake, but the ability to communicate what you know is also very important (insert examples here). Many activities (HW, tests) where we demonstrate what we have learned to others provides us with practice in communicating our ideas to others.

I am going throught the SAME exact thing with my daughter who is 9 and is finishing her first year in public school as a third grader. She went to Montessor school from pre through 2nd and the focus is on learning. No tests and they don't even correct spelling mistakes! My daughter has gotten great grades in public school and is at the top of her class. I recently asked for her to skip 4th grade math and her teacher sent home a packet "proving to me" that she was not capable of that.

I looked throught the packed. The things that she got wrong were things that she was doing in K! She wasn't reading the directions AT ALL! If the first 3 were adding, she added the last 3. If the first 10 were in order, 3x13, 4x10, 5x10, 6x10, 7x10, then she did the same for the x 100's...so she just put 400,500,600,700...BUT they were'nt the same! I don't have an answer for you! It is the most frustrating thing in the world. I tell her over and over. If you don't prove to your teachers that this is easy for you, they won't give you harder work, like you want! This is also evident in her writing responses, which you might find as your son gets older. SHE knows what happened in the story and SHE comprehends the connections, but she doesn't care if she shows the teacher that she know the story, so her writing summaries are vague and weird and rushed. She just doesn't seem to care WHAT her teachers think.

I also think in some way, that because she has NEVER had to try to get good grades, she is trying less and less to see how far she can NOT TRY and still get by. BAD BAD situation. I even tried to bribe her with money.

I have to say, she is happy when her book reports come back as 100's and VERY happy with the reward, but I don't see the reward as motivating at all while she is plugging away at it.

I DO think though, that is shows her that WE (mom and dad) think that her grades are important. So if nothing else, she is learning that!..

So, bribes? I guess that's my advice! lol..BRIBE him! Make it a chellenge. For every worksheet he does and gets them all right..ALL OF THEM...NO exeptions! Then he can have a dollar in the jar...or a marble or whatevery will motivate him.

It may not work right away, but in the long run, he will see his jar and his rewards and know that mom thinks the grades are improtant.!

I'm no expert...so take it with a grain of salt!