Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Perfectionism and taking risks

My DD (10) is a perfectionist. Shocking, I know. She also tends to be very good at most things she tries to do from academics to sports. Performing arts is the only area where she was not on top right out of the gate- and she was not happy about it but she continued with the school musical and had a lot of fun. Here is my current issue. She is in 4H and has been preparing to show a sheep in the fair in July. We have not yet officially done the paperwork but she has been assigned an animal, chores etc and has started training. It has not been easy. She has a particularly stubborn sheep (according to the farm manager) and has not had a ton of luck with her training. DD is now saying she is not sure she wants to actually show the sheep in the fair but just continue to work with it for fun. I'm debating whether to let her drop or to make her push on. Thoughts?

My thought is that, if it were my DD9.5, I would have her continue and actually show the sheep at the fair. But, I would really emphasize that it is about the process and getting experience, not about placing in the show. IMO, it's really easy to get caught up in the competition of it all, especially when competition in general has been so rewarding for her in the past, but it really is meant to be a good learning experience. If it were my DD, I'm sure I'd have to emphasize the experience over the results often throughout the process, especially as the competition got closer. To me, this sounds like the perfect opportunity for any perfectionist to work on the possibility of not being perfect. So, I'd vote Go For It!

We've had major issues with that nasty "P" thing. It got to the point where I had to force DS8 to do things that I knew he was avoiding simply because he wouldn't be perfect.

I would tend to agree with mnmom. Making a commitment means following through, win or lose. On a side note, everyone knows that perfectioism requires control and working with a hard headed animal naturally denies a person that ability. Even though it's an animal, she is learning that the outcome of events will sometimes be out of her control. She needs to give it her best shot, then let it go.

Both my gifted children are in 4-H and it's an amazing program. It teachers them that sometimes, no matter how hard you work, judges and circumstances aren't in your favor. Sometimes your competition is better. Or the judge doesn't like the blue ribbon in your hair. Whatever the outcome, it's the journey that matters.

It's taught them that it's okay not to be perfect and that life isn't always fair, and how to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. It's been an incredible self-esteem booster as well.

Plus, it keeps them busy!