Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How to carry on?????

Seriously...I feel like I'm going bonkers.

I've dealt with a child that I believe is gifted for a bit over four years now. I'm a stay-at-home mom who is with him alone in a very rural setting. (He's starting preschool in August!)

He knew his letters at 18mo. and could read level one books (like Hop on Pop) at three. His abiding interest is in numbers, gauges and compasses. I think he may be a meteorologist incarnate.

I'm counting the days until I can get him out of the house! I've reached the end of my imagination to keep him challenged.

I've seen most posts on here that seem so CALM and in control of their lives with their gifted child. I want to SCREAM some days!!!

Won't anyone send me a lifeline?

Calm?? That is me these days with an 8.5 yr old who has learned to entertain herself for 30 minutes here and there.

I was YOU 5-7 years ago. What I would give to know then what I know now. She was almost the undoing of me. I could feel all the pieces unravelling one by one.

Hugs to you! Don't ever compare how you feel to how others appear in their posts. We can go back and edit what we write!!

Oh! Thank you so much for that! *sob*

Today is an especially bad day and between the meltdowns and my own issues, I just couldn't stand anymore.

Thankfully, my son "crashed" in his room (nap) for a bit. It's very late for a nap, but I'm desperate for a break!

Who knew having a gifted child would make a parent feel inadequate? How ironic.

Well, that was me 15 years ago...my doctor actually suggested that I might be "depressed" because I was so exhausted all the time(!)

Actually, I am right there with you now, except I am counting down the days till mine goes off to college! Hey....do ya need a gifted but intense babysitter/nanny for the summer? ;-)

Hugs to you--I totally get it. (and am now in the middle of it with my 4 yr. old as well!)

Oh, no!...You don't mean to say it never changes???

Those of us with older kids should make "it gets better" videos It really does get better -- school, higher level reading skills (with LOTS of trips to the library), and Internet connectivity all helped us.

Or "it gets different" videos, at the very least!

All I can say is that I can't imagine how stressful it would be to have the job of challenging a kid like mine. I have enough to deal with without trying to figure out what she's interested in at any given moment. So I've made that her job instead of mine. Otherwise I'm sure I'd feel just like you do.

Oh my, I have spent all of the last 9 years wondering why I seem so mch more tired and less able to cope with parenting than everyone else. Understanding that none of my 3 kids are "normal", that I really was dealing with unusual challenges was such a relief, at least in terms of not feeling like a whimsy failure. Still have to get through each day though...

(((Group HUG)))

I'm so relieved to find moms who understand that my four year old isn't "typical"!

I try to tell my husband that his son isn't like other kids his age, but I think maybe because DS still so young and we don't have any other children, he doesn't quite "get it" yet.

Although, I have to say...sometimes he comes in after "lights out" and tells me things our son says to him and he has this look on his face like, "Holy S*IT! Can you believe he said this!!!" LOL

From what I've read and the Free reading ability screening test online test I used, our son (4 early in 2011) is testing at a third grade reading and a first grade comprehension level.

I know that the preschool we have him signed up for (mostly play-based) is right for him psychologically, but academically...he's going to get nothing.

Is that OK?

I have been there too - in a rural setting and all. Other people used to look at me like I was crazy when I would say I was so exhausted because DD was doing a,b or c - whatever her fascination/obsession was that month. I'm still not sure if they thought I was making it up or it was all my fault that she was so intense.

I counted down the days for her to go to school (even half day - just to have some down time to regroup). It was during this time (age 4) that I found this board and like you was amazed at how in control people seemed to be. But, it was still a great place for me to find and start getting suggestions and support for my "out there" child.

Have you tried finding an older adult (like a grandparent) who also loves the same sort of stuff and ask if they would hang out with your son and tell him all about what they know about the topic? I know DD became fascinated with wood working and carving at one point because she saw a elderly man whittling at a fair. I told her to go ask him about it - she did and he was so excited that she was interested he told her all about how long he'd been doing it and how he learned and his best and worst pieces, and how to pick good pieces of wood to start with - the whole nine yards.

Now, please understand, this only lasted about 30 minutes, and it meant that I had to stand in the hot sun when I was tired, hungry and ready to go home so she could talk to him, but - it did give me half an hour to let my mind wander and enjoy the sights and not have to focus on her. A friend who was with us continued on with her kid and they had eaten lunch and were ready to move on by the time we caught up, but it was enough down time for me that I was able to continue without loosing it for the rest of the outing.

I still feel inadequate as a parent many days (now doubly so because of DD3 following in her sister's footsteps), but I keep reminding myself that I made it through with the first one and will with the second one too.

Hugs to you - I think most of us understand what you're going through and have been there many many times before. You are not alone!

To Kerry...

I'm an artist and your daughter gave that woodworker the greatest gift that day in her interest in his art.

My dad is a gifted person who, while acknowledging my son is advanced, doesn't do much more than comment in passing on his interests and chuckles. (Dad is borderline Asperger's, I believe.)

Anyway, I have put up a post in a local forum asking if there are any mothers of gifted children in my area. I NEED to make physical contact with these women and I know my son NEEDS to be with their kids. I hope to make connections close to home.

I'm so exhausted with it all and he's only four.

Ametrine,

You might get some good contacts that way, but you might get better response just posting for families with young kids interested in "x" (whatever your kid's big advanced interest subject is). Many parents of gifted kids take a while to figure out why their kid is three times harder to parent than the neighbors', and so wouldn't answer a call for gifted kids, because after all, it isn't that unusual for kids to know all their letters and letter sounds when they are two, and to learn to read by themselves...

There's a reason both DH and I work full-time and only have one kid atm. Thank goodness memorial day weekend has two birthday parties so we can hang loose on Monday. We love spending time with DS, but we can't keep up. He needs more life energy than we can give, and that's ok.

We're starting K next year for our DS4 about the same age, same reading level, partly because preschool isn't tiring him out like it used to.

When he does get both intellectually challenged and physically challenged in a day, he acts more like regular kids outside of school in terms of intensity and he sleeps more. I'm hoping we'll get a little respite for the first month or so of Kindy.

Yes, my husband and I have exchanged that "holy sh&t" look before about dd4.

You mean it won't get easier when she can read? Shoot, I was counting on that! (Esp. since she is really on the verge--her teacher thinks before school gets out)

And, from what I have read, yes, that pre-k situation should be ok. Others may have more info. for you there.

Good luck finding peers for you and him! They must be out there somewhere, although I know it is more challenging when you don't live in a densely populated area.

This is so true. I know it but is good to be reminded so I can try to be more intentional. (and note to self to take dd4's bike to get fixed asap!)

Ametrine,

DD and I have had many such encounters with artists throughout her life. They all start of pretty basic in their answers to her questions until she keeps asking more and more, or commenting on specific aspects of their work, or their answers and then I usually have to drag her away. It has also deepened her love of art and improved her artistic tendencies with all of the exposure she's gotten.

I understand the need to physically meet other parents of gifties. Although it is not as common in your area, look for some stay at home dads as well. DH is a stay at home dad right now with our little one and they meet an old man in the park near our house and discuss gardening with him because there is a community garden there. DD3 is getting to be quite the expert on which plant is which herb and when they are ready to pick and how to cook with them! (Although I wouldn't want to eat some of her recipes )

It did for us! DS is gloriously reading Magic Treehouse #42 (we suddenly realized that the library has all the Magic Treehouse books in hardback, so we don't have to wait for paperback) in his bedroom right now, DH is on the phone with his cousin, and I am cruising the internet. We didn't have this kind of adult time before reading. I just wish there were more than 45 Magic Treehouse books...

These are the posts that make me really want to hothouse reading! lol! I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will have a similar experience once she takes off. Yay for Magic Treehouse! Glad you get some time to breathe!

www.starfall.com ... even if she doesn't learn how to read, it will keep her busy.

Oh no! I didn't mean it doesn't get easier, it absolutely does (for a while - lol). Reading was, and still is, a godsend and gifted friends who can keep up with them too! We are just in limbo right now and back in a rural area with no friends and now we have delightful hormones in the mix too. I am counting down the days, not to have her gone, but to see her in an environment where she is happy and engaged and it isn't at the expense of my sanity.

I completely understand! DS 5 sometimes drives me up the wall because all he wants to do is work on his projects. I feel like I am always rushing him to do his "chores" and his school work. Last week he spent all his time making an incubator for his friend's birthday and I was so glad when he finished it but now this week he has decided to write a book about electricity. It is all he talks about and wants to read about. He's in a fantastic school where they are really challenging and his teacher understands him but he still needs to do the homework (she says he doesn't but I think he should). It is like pulling teeth once he has an idea in his mind he just doesn't want to do anything else. His teacher did help him find electricity books at school today and had his friends watch a video on it so they would have a better understanding of what he was working on. He then got to write some his book during writing time. I think having this type of teacher has made things better for us here at home but weekend still drive me crazy especially when we have other things to do!

On certain days, when I am feeling a wee bit exhausted from trying to keep up with DS8 - I log onto this board and a smile spreads across my face because I get to read posts from other moms/parents who understand exactly the kind of
day(s)/months/years we have been having. Thank you ladies for helping me keep my sanity and for letting me see that I am not alone! :-)

I totally agree. There are days when my goal in life is simply to stay sane until they leave home. And that was before the new baby. Seriously, sometimes its just about hanging in there. I don't have it all figured out, and if I've learned one thing, its that when you think you do have it figured out, they'll go and change on you!

You are not alone!

I remind myself often that everything is a stage. Even the good stuff...

I'm bumping my first post because I'm having a panic "moment".

Our DS is out of school tomorrow and the only things I have planned are a college- sponsored speed reading course and some private swimming lessons. The total time doing these activities: maybe ten days.

So, I was searching around for something to do this summer and our local humane society has a cat training camp. Great! DS has a new kitten and he's a fireball (not furball). I figured I can keep both busy with learning new tricks.

But when I pointed out the last training class landed on the day he's to go to a rocket launch (hobby rocketry), he said he'd rather not. He would only be missing one day of a four day launch!

So much for kitten training.

As a stay-at-home mom, I was hoping to find a bit of "me" time, too. The camp would be for four hours a day, for one week.

Sorry I'm a sour apple. DS just doesn't seem to be interested in any camp that will take his age group. All the science-based camps he would like are exclusionary of kids his age.

What if he foregoes the final day of kitten camp to attend the rocket launch?

For last-minute summer activities, have you considered science kits? While they may vary greatly in quality, the Davidson Database lists several which have been recommended by parents. For example, look for 'kit' in this list of Chemistry resources.

The general List of Resources by Subject Area may also be of interest.

To carve out some daily mom-time, you might try implementing a regularly scheduled "quiet time" as described in this recent post by Portia.