Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy what happens when you forget how old they are

Hi
DH and i feel terrible, in separate incidents we both managed to forget that our five year old is five. we have these deep conversations about all sorts of things and he is so smart beyond his years, i like to think I am conscious of the asynchrony, and then insert foot!!! You know how Disney works really hard to make sure the kids never see that the characters aren't real, we basically said they weren't real, without even meaning to!!

We're going to DIsney so had a disucssion about Mickey and, he starts asking about where he lives, and I said I don't know where he will be since toon town is closed, I didn't understand what he was saying in retrospect it was pretty obvious he was saying how can he be in so many places at once and how come sometimes he is flat and others 3D At some point (we were in the car and I think he wore me down I actually said do you think he is real or imaginary, and he paused for awhile and then said imaginary and then went off on how the one whose hands you shake is a hologram, but one you can touch. So he sort of fixed it in his own head for his idiot mom, but then we followed it up with this:

flipping channels, see christopher Lloyd in a star trek movie, DS close your eyes, who does it sound like, he correctly says Hacker from cyber chase. Now is hysterical that hacker isn't real, that an actor is playing him, how can he be both.

So we watched some NASA shuttle stuff to calm down and DS kept saying he didn't know why he was crying. . I know this is not earth shattering but I feel like pond scum, killing Santa, the tooth fairy all in one week!!

DeHe

Ahh, don't feel too bad! Most children between 5 and 6 begin to move beyond the age of magical thinking, but this is definitely a process that involves many steps back and forth. For gifted kids who think and feel deeply, things like this may be especially upsetting. If he's not psychologically ready, he may just conveniently forget about today's disclosures until he's ready.

Yea - umm while my kids still believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy they know fully well that the Disney characters aren't real. Why? Because it never occurred to me to not tell them when we were at Disney last year, lol. So DD5 will say that fairies aren't real - except the Tooth Fairy I'm pretty sure they both don't actually believe anymore but enjoy pretending.

They've known forever it seems that tv/movie characters aren't real. I'm pretty sure we never told them, or at least not specifically told them. That doesn't of course mean that the characters don't exist, just that what they are watching isn't really happening (at least in their minds).

At 5/6 it's so hard to guage what they really believe anyway as they like to pretend a lot around those ages.


ETA: Oh and knowing they weren't real had NO impact on enjoying meeting the characters. They both still loved it!!

We had to tell dd5 (maybe even when she was 2) that the tv show characters were not real, she would get too upset otherwise. Knowing the show was not real, or any real people in it were going to do something else after the ending, helped her deal with any scary parts of some movies. She is still into Santa as real and eagerly awaits the tooth fairy.

DD believed the characters at Disney World were real at 2 years of age. By 3 she caught on they were people dressed up and at 4 it was totally clear and the magic was gone. A little sad.

I was surprised she was questioning Santa's existence at 4 but seems to like continuing the premise. Maybe she figures she gets more presents this way...

Ren

Thanks for the soothing everyone!! Although 2cool4school might be on to something. To see if we damaged him or damaged his love of cyber chase. I asked him if he wanted to watch this morning and he said yes and made no mention of anything actor related or that Hacker wasn't real. So either he just filed it away and decided he wouldn't bother with it or let it interfere with his enjoyment. Or he did just forget it in order to not deal with the cognitive dissonance. Not sure which is true and sure not going to ask!!!

DeHe

You are not alone. I did the same thing,to our 5 year old, when James Earl Jones was on an episode of House and I mentioned that he was the voice of Darth Vader...it wasn't pretty. Ironically a few weeks later he saw an episode of India Jones and handled Han Solo moonlighting as Dr. Jones very well, so no harm done.

This is a very interesting thread for me. DS 'got' all that sort of stuff around age 3 and was delighted with it. He would get all self-righous and angry about 'parents lying to their kids' when it came to certain pretend characters who brought presents. Now that I'm reading this thread, I'm quite sure that this is where DS's PGness lies.

He's always been terrific at sorting out complicated situations and black/whiting them into truth/fiction categories quite accurately. Regarding the 'denial' thread, DS didn't ready early and he wasn't even ready for pre-Algebra when he tried it at 10 years old, so it has been easy for me to get that he's gifted, but harder for me to 'grock' that he is so 'unusually gifted' I think because it isn't a 'school subject.' Come to think of it - I think it was Baseball Dad who pointed out that part of me said 'well, I'm good at that so it's not such a big deal.' 'Sense-making' isn't a subject in k-12 school, and perhaps not even in college. Glad I get to take it out to play here.

Funny memory - When DS used to watch 'Blue's Clues' while I walked on the Treadmill, (I would guess around age 3 or 4) I happened to mention the theatre idea of 'breaking the 4th wall' from my college days. Boy, was DS pissed when he got marked 'wrong' on a worksheet in 2nd grade when he wrote the phrase 'broke the 4th wall' as part of his answer.

Sigh,
Grinity

Funny story about breaking the 4th wall Grinity! Poor kid.

I'm thinking that my DS7 chooses (or chooses to pretend to believe) in Santa and the Easter Bunny, because it's fun and results in goodies. I remember when DS was 2, and we took him to the local Easter egg hunt. There was a very tall guy in an Easter bunny suit. We didn't really say much, except asking if he wanted to go get a treat from the Easter bunny. He told us that was just a guy in a bunny costume. So, we never experienced our kid thinking that people in costume were the real deal. Except maybe for a couple really real looking Santas with real beards.... (For some reason, DS also thinks Disney World is for girls, so we've never had the urge to go if the kid isn't interested. Must be all that pink princess stuff.)

We have kept the magic of Santa alive for DS, but not cartoons or TV. DS was also a fan of scooby doo early on. Being awful parents, we sometimes said at the "scary" parts, "Oh, no! This must be the last episode. Looks like the creeper's going to get scooby this time." DS would always just smile and say that there is never going to be a last episode.

I think it's easier to believe in Santa b/c he appears as a real person. The easter bunny is in a crappy costume. My younger ds saw this immediatly and declared him "not the real Easter Bunny."...but for him the real one is out there.