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Oh, questions, I'm so sorry you're having a tough time of it. If homeschooling seems to be the best option and you can do it, that's what I'd do.

No advice for you, but know that I'm right there with you, and many happy thoughts going out.

Catching up on all these posts ... man, this thread moved fast!

Mia

Ania,
I agree, things have changed drastically for DD8 from 1st to 2nd. That's the main reason I haven't yanked C-dog yet, I'm holding onto hope and hoping that's not pathetic!

Questions, you sure do have much food for thought around here! Ultimately, you do what's right for your family. Whether that's HS, advocating, or just trying to wait it out. Go with your gut and don't second guess yourself. You can always change the plan later, that's the beauty of it!!

Okay, I usually don't do this, but.......((hugs))

I

Just for the record, Cym, I agree wholeheartedly with Kriston's comments on homeschooling and social opportunities. When my social guy was in private Montessori, he used to get in trouble for talking too much. Learning at home, he has ample time for informal hanging out as well as structured activities. His social needs are well met, and believe me, he makes sure of it!

I'm sorry guys--I didn't mean to poo poo homeschooling in any way. I think it's well documented in literature that the best fit for PG kids is homeschool or hybrid ed environment (hybrid meaning maybe some college course, some home, maybe a mentor, etc.). I was trying to be conciliatory (is that the right word?) if questions wasn't able to do it (for financial or other reasons) saying public schooling hasn't been all bad--that while some time has been wasted, some situations less than optimal, it's worked out ok for me/my kiddos. And I guess I have been naiive about what it would entail (thinking it'd be solitary). Clearly the homeschoolers on this board are motivated and effective in finding the right resources, support groups, and taking advantage of the free time. I know some of the homeschoolers in town and there are at least 2 PG kids in that group (the kids used to be in the PEGS class). I read of another homeschool family here whose son scored perfect on ACT/SAT; his sisters would participate in tons of music & dance competititions all over the SW and win--they're amazing young ladies. I admire those parents who take homeschooling on and do it well.

OK, now I am seriously nervous. Meeting next week with teachers, child study team head, and principal. All of a sudden I'm doubting myself completely. I've emailed our team to get a list of what DS needs/should have, and will research on my own. They are truly nice people and do care about DS. Maybe I should bring the psychologist to the meeting. After all, how will we know what to agree to without checking back.

Nah, Cym. You're fine! You just made the same assumption that pretty much everyone makes about HSing...until they start HSing! I know I assumed we'd be all alone before we dove in. (Ah, if only that were more true than it is!!!)

No offense taken. I know you were looking out for Questions, and anyone who does that is okay in my book.

What are you doubting? You know your DS's needs aren't being met. Is this just stage fright?

Having the psych there isn't a bad idea, if you think s/he would back your play. It might even let you play good cop to the psych's bad cop: ala "This kid needs much more than what you're suggesting!"

That's not a bad way to go!

Is it possible for your DH to be there for the meeting? They tend to listen better to men, though I think that's just painfully sexist!

But if you need to go it alone, you can do it. You know what's right for your DS, and you can stand up for him to get it.

Thanks. DH will come to the meeting. This group does take me seriously, but I have to say that the principal at the old school was so sexist it was infuriating. And he had no clue and would be appalled to learn that the mothers thought he was sexist. All my complaints and suggestions fell on deaf ears and I was labeled a problem parent.

Have to hand it to them, the public school takes parental complaints seriously - maybe b/c he has an IEP and it' s required by law. And the teachers are lovely, the principal and child study team as nice as can be. And I'm still second-guessing myself, thinking
I'm pushing DS and he's not ready for it. But then again, he's the one who is insulted by the work they're doing in school.
I'd like to have the psych who did the testing there. I feel that would be helpful, and I will ask her. But she's been ill and probably can't make it.

And cym, I appreciate the sensitivity and spirit of your comments. You'd think DS would end up okay, but last year ended in crisis with a change of personality, which thankfully has been reversed. So, we want to continue to be very careful to support him.

Ideally, we'd like him to stay in school, love it, and learn. If we're honest with ourselves, that may not be possible.

As for my nervousness, I keep thinking maybe DS is not that top of the heap. I know that's ridiculous, but I can see what the teachers do (or don't, as the case may be) see. He's slow completing his work (but incredibly quick at understanding things), and not particularly motivated to do school work. When I looked at the Ruf levels, there really were areas that I saw as Level 5, but others that were much more ordinary. Our goal for this year was to bring up the lagging areas so that he can do what he wants with his more highly advanced skills without frustration. Problem is we can't seem to get the right mix of remedial help and appropriate level and rate of learning.

You know I love you, so I feel that I can say this to you:

You're nuts!



Your DS is incredibly bright. Don't ever second-guess that. Other issues may disguise it (boredom, 2E, etc.), but that doesn't mean he's not smarter than any other kid they've ever seen at that school (probably, at least).

My DS is slow as molasses in a January blizzard. It has nothing to do with how smart he is. In fact, the easier the work, the slower he gets. That's meaningless.

Don't worry yourself over nothing. You're doing the right thing.

Ditto what Kriston & Dottie said--we all have moments where we second guess ourselves. Do we absolutely know what is the right fit for our kids before we've tried it? Not necessarily, but I think it's giving things a shot when status quo isn't working. Be willing to take risks and then, if it doesn't work, change again.

I know one woman who skipped her daughter from 4th to 6th grade. The girl was very bright, always in the top handful of kids in the 6th grade class, but at winter break, the mom un-skipped her back to 5th grade. We were all surprised because it would be a semester of review and then another semester of review the following year...but the mom believed her daughter was having emotional trouble with middle school kids (no touching allowed, and the girl liked to hug and hold hands with friends...very innocently).

I don't know if that story is relevant, but I'm just trying to say, you know your kid best--that's the only thing you need to remember.

I've found the most effective meetings with school officials are if you plan a few of the answers/solutions. This may be hard 'cause you want the professionals to tell you what to do, but have something specific in mind, if possible. Dottie wanted advanced math. I asked for ALEKS in the classroom (they agreed); later I asked for Algebra (they declined).

Some things to consider: Use class time to do advanced work, without sacrificing play time (perceived as a penalty). Allow him to pretest out of units with 85% mastery (we've been able to do this for math & spelling). Condense/compact curriculum (every other problem or sentences for half the words). Evaluate skip at each semester.