Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Need feedback

I've just found this site and I wonder if I can get some feed back from you more "gifted experienced" people My daughter is 10. She was recommended for the school's pull-out gifted program in 3rd grade (the earliest they will test for it). She was already reading at a very high level and her language skills were very high. When she took the test ("Cognitive Abilities Test", taken on 3 separate days) she did very poorly because (found out later) she purposely answered questions wrong. In 3rd grade she re-took the test (at my request) and scored 92% in verbal reasoning-below the required score of 97%. She was up until 2:00am the night before (can't remember why) and did not know they would be testing her the next day. NOw in 5th grade she is feeling peer pressure that "too smart is not cool" and is not interested in testing.

Some background info on her: she is extremely emotional and hyper-sensitive, both physically and emotionally. She is always anxious and worried and has shown some obsessive-compulsive behaviors. She is very talented with drawing, creating, imagining, etc. This summer she thought of nothing more for days and days except an animal shelter she wanted to build, create, run, etc. when she is older. She went through tons of paper designing and re-designing. She is always worried of how others perceive her and she finally has two friends after years of no friends. I've been worried that her intensity will scare them away, not to mention she can't find anyone with her own levels of interest and emotion. She goes through extreme highs and lows, occasions where she just cannot slow down and focus, and has difficulty going to sleep every night. She's also always worried if her health is ok ("Will I get sick? Am I going to die?")

She has been to a child psychiatrist for a few sessions and the doctor went over relaxation techniques with her and suggested Prozac to my husband and me. Not much help. She has also had chronic tummy aches (and headaches, and leg cramps, etc.) for years and so was seen by a GI doctor who did an endoscopy and colonscopy on her last month. Everything is normal and she also recommended antidepressants for my daughter. We do not think medications are the answer for her at this point.

As a mother, I want her to be happy and grow up to be a well-adjusted adult. I'm always searching for answers. I've now come across gifted and "emotionally gifted" websites and they have piqued my interest. Does this sound familiar to any of you? I will talk to her teacher and get her angle on this (she was also her 3rd grade teacher) and maybe push the school to do what...re-test her? They were not very accomodating with me when I had questions and wanted a re-test before. Just not sure what steps to take next.

The first thing that struck me about your post is that two medical professionals have recommended anti-depressants. This is a huge red flag that something is very wrong.

The possibilities are wide ranging - Your daughter could have a real disorder that requires treatment or a real problem that is causing stress that is causing the symptoms. Giftedness can cause stress - but giftedness can coexist with mental illness or other problems.

Make sure you open your mind to all the possibilities and don't put blinders on and make assumptions about the cause of the problem.

That said - if you have really looked at this from all sides and the only thing you can see is giftedness - there are two approaches you can take: test or not test.

The deal is - if she doesn't want to test and has shown a desire not to have successful test results - it is a waste of time. What is more, even though she sabotages the results herself - she will likely end up with even lower self esteem after doing poorly on the test.

I would suggest dropping the testing and the attempt to give her a label she doesn't want to have.

The real key to being a happy well adjusted adult is to know ourselves, accept ourselves, and like ourselves.

Find something she is interested in that is worth encouraging and help her to explore that. She likes animals apparently. Can she help an elderly neighbor care for a pet? Doing good for others tends to make us feel better about ourselves. This might be really good for her. Can she explore her art some more? Maybe take some classes where she can work on her technique? Find ways to help her grow her self esteem - not fake pats on the back - but real accomplishments that she can be proud of.

If being smart isn't cool, then there is something wrong with her friends. Buy her a book such as the American Girl Being Smart about Friends and read it together and talk about it.

Yes, it might help her if she were getting challenged at school - but maybe the teacher can make some of that happen even without her being labelled for the gifted program.

It sounds like you have quite a challenge ahead of you.

Mary

I'll tell you about my experience with a kid like yours and you can decide what to make of it:

Six months ago, responding to serious problems with attention, behavior and learning, I put my 6yo son on a gluten-free, casein-free diet. My son improved dramatically, but that's not what I want to tell you about.

Two months into the diet (the whole family went on it), we noticed that my 9yo daughter--intense, touchy, anxious, prone to daily meltdowns that lasted for hours--had become a calm, even tempered, *happy* kid. I knew things were not right with her, but never in a million years would I have guessed it was her *diet*.

Thought I'd mention it. Food allergies do seem to be more prevalent in our population.

Laura Gray

First, re: giftedness testing. Is there any chance you can take her for testing using your medical insurance? Being outside of the educational setting might help her performance. Also, from what I've read on here and Hoagie's Gifted, using a psychologist who specializes in working with gifted children might help bring out her best.

I think there are definitely signs of depression in the symptoms listed....somatic complaints, etc. However, I strongly lean towards trying natural wellness before using medical interventions (having had horrid medical experiences in my life). So, I would recommend finding a good chiropractor who has a good background in nutrition. There are good natural preventative/restorative measures to take....i.e. using omega 3 and 6 fatty acids, making diet changes such as the diet Laura Gray used with her kids, vitamin intake, excercise routines...etc.

Also, find a cognitive therapist if you decide to go the therapy route. That will help her identify self-defeating patterns and reduce their impact.

Then, the giftedness needs to be addressed. Is there a gifted support group in your area? Perhaps you can join up with one of those to help her find people like herself. They don't have to be her friends, just meeting them and seeing that other people are like her will help.

Thank you for your supportive responses. A few comments back: I will keep an open mind about meds, but I would like to exhaust all other possibilites first. Nutrition is something I have looked into. Although the endoscopy ruled out any food allergies, she does not make the best food choices when left to her own devises and I notice her mood swings with too much processed, refined foods. Regarding friends, she is so ecstatic about just having friends that she still needs to learn that they do not always make the best choices. I'm trying to instill in her what a "true" friend is (one that will accept you for who you are).I will look for that book (she does subscribe to the magazine).

Academically, she is bored in her reading and language arts at school. She is frustrated (and has been for several years now) by the slow pace of others in her group, even though she is in the highest reading group. She also becomes frustrated when working in groups because the other kids "don't get it" or work too slowly to suit her pace. She ends up bossing them around, which creates hurt feelings, tension, etc. This morning she seemed receptive to re-testing for the gifted program. I will not push the issue simply for the sake of a label, I just want her to feel comfortable, challenged and interested in her academic work. If it doesn't work out, then I will discuss other options with her teacher for challenging her within a normal classroom environment. I have recently thought of enrolling her in an art class of some type where she can be free to take new ideas and express herself (most classes expect her to "create" exactly what the teacher is demonstrating-no freedom allowed, which aggravates her). Also, she does love animals and also loves community service. She's not old enough to volunteer in the shelter, or anywhere like that. I can search around more and try to find something age-appropriate where she can volunteer on a regular basis and achieve real accomplishments.

Thanks again for the replies. I will keep you posted if anything big changes.

Some food intolerances have neurological effects, but don't cause damage that would be see on an endoscopy.

If it's processed foods that affect her most, she may be sensitive to artificial colors, flavors or preservatives. More info at www.feingold.org.

Cheers,
Laura Gray

In reading your e-mail, I certainly am able to empathize with raising gifted children with intense personalities--who often experienced severe anxiety and sensitivity issues. I agree with the suggestion to try to find some natural remedies (which would only help even if you decide that medication is needed) to ease your daughter's anxiety/worries--relaxation techniques (such as simple deep breathing), modification in diet, exercise, and the ongoing unconditional support and love you are providing for her.

She certainly seems to be struggling at this time with her own young identity. She is, however, sharing her interests. Sometimes "immersion" learning feeds and satisfies the creativity and thirst for knowledge within that gifted individuals often crave.

Perhaps the obsessive-compulsive tendencies can be reduced (although it will take much patience and time) through a step-by-step approach to learning more about her fears.

Since she also seems to exhibit perfectionistic tendencies, this too may be a concern for her regarding the "gifted" program/label. Gifted children often place a lot a pressure on themselves, feeling that being "gifted" means all tasks must be completed with perfection. Perhaps this is an issue?

You have certainly been on the right path by reaching out and learning as much as possible about your daughter. All the best.

Linda

(Laura) For the past year I have been focusing on more organic, natural foods for myself and especially my kids. I haven't, however, made a definite restriction to my daughter's diet, regarding food additives, artificial colors, etc. That is something I can work on. Thanks.
(Linda) I spoke to a parent of a child in our school's gifted program and she feels it is not a very effective program, only teaching one grade level above, plus lots of extra homework, and very little communication between the gifted teacher and the classroom teacher. I think at this point it would only add extra stress to my daughter's life, which is not my goal. I can look to get her into AP or Honors classes as she gets into Middle School and High School if that is what she would like, to give her the challenge that she needs. In the meantime I can work on helping her learn to identify, control and satisfy some of her many emotions.

Hi Nadia -
sounds like a tough situation. I second the notion that the gifted program at the school may not be worth jumping through hoops for - after all - gifted programs are only good if they help meet your child's learning needs.

There are many, many different approaches to meeting those needs, from homeschooling, community college classes, independent schools, afterschooling, finding a mentor.Do IQ tests really help you find out what the needs are? Not really. It's not what they are designed for. Dr. Ruf's levels of gifteness might provide a more accessable picture - "Losing Our Minds."

there are a lot of wonderful books to read - which ones have you read so far? If you had to pick one topic to read about next, what would it be?

Love and More Love,
Trinity

I just noticed that you are in Arizona. If you are going the private testing route - I'd reccomend Paul Beljan - he really understands gifted kids!