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We also force short-term commitments, and don't make a big deal about the inevitable "I'm awful" and "I hate this" complaints along the way. We just tend to be matter-of-fact about the NEED for physical activity.

Golf, swimming and martial arts have been our winners here, but DD is just inherently a rather sedentary child.


With perfectionistic kids, the bigger danger is in unhealthy perfectionsim that gets rolled into a competitive athletic environment. For that reason, I'm so glad that we don't have DD in dance or gymnastics, both of which are so prone to force girls that direction.

With boys, wrestling and size/strength oriented sports seem to produce similar effects, depending upon the coach and team environment.

Cycling is another possiblity, if your child enjoys it. Another idea that is unusual and FORCES self-forgiveness and patience-- dog agility. Yes, it's much more "physical" for the person than most people think. It's also FUN.

Believe it or not, unicycle has been a great activity for our similar kid. At some point though regardless of the activity, I think you just have to see it through until they have some sense of mastery. And then you can see if they really are going to enjoy it. That took about 9 months of unicycle class for him. Anyway - unicycle is a fun skill because it's fairly exotic but approachable by anyone. Our local unicycle club will teach toddlers to grandparents.

We also enjoy orienteering as a family which a great activity for GT kids.

I wanted to say, we've found a gem of a dance studio for my 6 year old. It's very much cooperative and not competitive. The older teens are quite amazing though. Some go to other studios for the competitive piece. This studio concentrates on producing shows so it's much more teamwork based. I feel like each kid is honored there as an individual. So sometimes just finding the right environment for a particular activity can make all the difference.

Neither of my boys (7 and 11) are very well-coordinated or talented at sports. Here are some we have found worked the best:

karate
fencing
skiing(cross-country or downhill)
snow-boarding
recreational cycling
kinball. This is a great team sport that allows kids who aren't "good" at sports to partipate and be part of a team. It's fairly new, developed in Canada, and not played in many US locations yet. But here is one: http://usakinball.150m.com/psu.htm

Another aspect of team sports that my husband and I have decided to agree-to-disagree about:

He maintains that only sports can give the kind of team-building experience that's so useful later in life.

I tend to think a very similar sort of team spirit develops when people play together musically. (Granted, we still want them to stay active; I just don't think it needs to be in team sports, which tend to be more competitive and draw out their perfectionist tendencies.)

Wow, I don't agree with that at all. I know I got a great "team" experience in high school working on the school newspaper staff and on the yearbook. I think D2 gets a very good team experience on her Quiz Bowl team, too. It doesn't have to be "physical" to be a team and provide a team-building experience!

Thank you for all these great ideas! There are a couple of things here I'd never even heard of. We'll definitely try fencing at some point. DS is also going to a horse camp this summer, so I'll look into what continuing with that would involve.

In the meantime, we're going to stick it out with tae kwon do a bit longer. I've been telling DS6 that yes, he is being judged by his instructor, but not for what he thinks--what the instructor wants to see more than anything is a little effort and confidence. I so want DS6 to realize that beating himself up for every little mistake is self-defeating!

Literally!

My oldest is much like this. He is a perfectionist. For the most part it has worked out for him in sports as well. I played College football as well as many other sports in High School, they kept me out of "trouble." He does not like to fail and has some issues when he does not get things right the first time. With some guidance and being his biggest cheerleader, he has gotten to the point where he can work past those mistakes to improve his game. He plays QB for his youth football team. HE is a forward on his soccer team. The 3 years we played inline hockey before we moved he was a wonderful defenseman because that is what he reasoned he could do to be successful to help the team the most. And there in lies the biggest help. It is a phrase my college coaches used and i still use it. Everyone has a purpose on a team, coach need to put you in the best stop to do the most good and you need to be the best you, you can be. On the Teams of his I have coached, I tell him I put people in positions to be successful and that is my responsiblity. With his intellect he understood that just fine.

jmiller - you and I have a similar approach. As a perfectionist who quit everything, whether it was due to a big challenge or lack of challenge, I really try to make sure my children, especially DS7, not only faces challenges, but also cope with the boring aspects, etc... so while I do not force them to continue with a sport or activity, they do have to finish until the end of the season/class, and I do strongly encourage it the next season, pointing out how much they improved and how they can continue to be an asset, etc...

DS7, who was supposedly playing his last season of baseball this spring, has now decided he'd like to play another season or two.

My two cents: karate and swimming.
Also, we told our son upfront he would need to stick out "the season" (we only signed him up for things that lasted about 3-4 months). After each practice or game I would ask, "What was challenging about today? " . I would end by asking, "What did you enjoy most?" Even if he said he "hated " the sport he could always find some aspect he enjoyed. When he was younger I may have had to help him find what it was he liked (could be the coach, something funny that happened , or something very simple). I believe we showed our son that we don't always like things,but that we stick to our "commitments" and we can walk away with something positive from our experiences.