I don't think it's as simple as firm boundaries at home. My son has very firm boundaries and is very easygoing at home. He has no tantrums, no behavior issues and lives a very happy little boy life! But he likes to mess with adults and you cannot allow yourself to get baited or you WILL lose. As of yet, he has not had a teacher who was able to understand this. He can drag any unwitting adult off task quickly and on to something he likes better. He can ask relentless questions if you don't say "Choose one question, then we're done until after I_____"
I also don't think that "obeying" is high on my personal priority list. I teach him that there are consequences to every action. As long as you understand what the consequence is (positive or negative) you can make an educated choice. Sometimes he'll say "well I knew I was going to get in trouble for ___ but I wanted to go sit in the corner and play alone anyway." I use that to then ask him if he could have gotten what he wanted without getting in trouble (like asking for quiet space or whatever).
