Originally Posted By: spaghetti
While you need to be discerning and judgmental at your age while you figure out yourself and your place in the world, it seems like "push back" when you "argue". As a parent of an arguer, I get it. It helped to learn how to check with people on what they are looking for in a conversation. While some enjoy arguing, many are not looking for an opinion or an assessment of their thoughts. So, for example, it doesn't matter what you think of astrology. Staying quiet is one way to go, and it avoids being "shot down". But it also does not do anything to embrace and celebrate the other person. Another way to go is to ask questions to get to know more about the person, how much astrology is a part of their life, how it may or may not play into their decision making, etc.

My point is that while I'm all for social niceties, I'm being blunt here on a discussion forum (and not in real life), because in a way, I respect the people here enough that I'm willing to actually engage and trust that my point will get across. If it doesn't, there isn't much lost.

Originally Posted By: spaghetti

Thank you for sharing why you thought you were considered arrogant.

I was saying that his line of advice presupposed my arrogance. It's like telling someone who's trying to become more successful at dating to "go to the gym" -- the advice presupposes that they are not fit in the first place. It has nothing to do with whether or not the person giving the advice actually thinks that way; the presumption is there in the advice itself.

Originally Posted By: spaghetti

Originally Posted By: giftedamateur

Do you often encounter the situation, however, that by the time complex people work their stuff out, too much potential is wasted, due to decline in neuroplasticity etc.? There's stories I've heard where someone in their mid-50s found out they had a near-photographic memory in some respects and great talent for painting. Aren't they somewhat justified in feeling upset that their potential was wasted?

That's not what I was trying to say at all. I was more saying that it may take more effort for complex people. Some people seem to just drift through life doing what's expected.
I know it's not what you were trying to say. I was thinking a step ahead, of a possible consequence of it taking more time and effort to find your place and understand your potential, which is that once you figure it out it may be too late, and wondering what you thought of that possibility.

Originally Posted By: spaghetti
But wouldn't it help to understand how others perceive your communication? Rather than "that's not what I was saying" try "I was really trying to clarify and understand the responses I received, how might that have been conveyed in a way that didn't seem dismissive to you?"

Well, I did push back against some of the advice, but that was because it was cliche and poorly thought out. I understand the responses for the most part just fine, it's not hard to understand something which is a literal restatement of advice which pretty much every counselor gives out (such as to check out Brene Brown, for example).