I've been in contact with the psychiatry in this town and I'm to see a psychologist on Monday next week. I'm sure he has some input, I've written to him about my issues and now we are to meet.

Something I've picked up and that I'm afraid of is a theory of connection and why people with high "g" don't function with regular people.

I know that I have a disease that complicates things but the theory suggests two things. One is that people who aren't within 20 IQ points won't be able to connect in a meaningful way.
I dont know if this is true but I have scores in the 140's and I suppose that my IQ would be higher then "high average" if I weren't sick.

All my friends before the disease are academics that play instruments and has by now started families, I haven't but that's a long story.
Somewhere I want to say that my inability to connect with people is due to me being "too" intelligent. I have a friend who is also intelligent and we click.

Problem is that I feel so odd, even with people who work with mental health. Im very hard on myself for my failures with people I meet and I can't help but remembering my past social failures. Even if someone just looks at me I feel like it's an opportunity but you never see that people approach each other where I live. Im socially isolated and can't find a way forward. Everyone is set with their friends and won't let anyone in. I feel abandoned because my mother moved to a different city 100 miles away.

Meeting with this psychologist will be a good time to get a sense of where I'm at now. I suppose things could be worse mentally but I have to rely on my medications to get me through the day.

I'm helpless and I need to abandon me belief of being intelligent.