I'm going to save you some time by delivering a few hard truths. It would likely take several years in therapy for you to reach this point, as therapists aren't so blunt. Consider this a gift of knowledge that will save you from wasting your young life, not criticism.

1. Talent is only developed meaningfully with significant time and effort. There's no magic bullet. You have to put in the time on task if you expect proficiency in any career or pursuit.

You might have heard the expression "hard work beats talent when talent isn't working hard." A minimum threshold of talent is a necessary, but not sufficient, condition. I suspect you have met or exceeded that threshold, so effort will drive your results.

2. As to jobs being boring - many are. The interesting jobs go to the people who create organizations and build new visions, and employees are hired to fill gaps.

Even interesting careers will require some grunt work to develop foundational skills and build relationships. Either decide to invest the time to become proficient or choose differently. The world doesn't lack for interesting challenges to solve. If you stick with a path, even a moderate level of skill will likely give you access to interesting work. If you don't like what's on offer, start your own firm. Life is flexible.

3. I hear a lot of fear of failure in your post, which is a form of perfectionism.

It's not uncommon for very bright people who haven't been challenged to set false binary standards (in your case, world class or nothing.) Statistically, your odds of being world-class at anything in your early 20s are close to zero, so dispense with that unhelpful mindset. Aim for very good.

A common deflection is to dismiss available options as being not interesting or challenging enough. These are ego defenses, not rational thinking. Beginner jobs are for beginners. You haven't earned the next level until you pass through the early stage.

4. You're never going to be a child again, so stop wasting energy lamenting what could have been. If piano is something you value, build a plan with realistic goals and stick to it. Any piano teacher with a BMus can provide this at your level. As you progress, you can get referrals to more advanced instruction, or simply enjoy the fruits of your effort. Both are valid options.

5. As to "big" vs "small" successes: big achievements are only possible through a series of small ones. No one summits a mountain in ten steps.

6. Reading the resources I shared upthread will help you organize your values, which will go a long way to giving you a sense of purpose and direction.

7. Volunteering is another valuable way to build purpose and identify problems you'd like to solve. Brilliant ideas seldom come out of thin air. They're often the product of experience and grinding against systems and processes that don't function well. Getting out of your own head and taking a broader perspective would do you good.

Good luck.


What is to give light must endure burning.