Another "funny" thing that has happened today is that when I was shopping a girl showed interest but I was stuck on my mission to get my medicine the I just walked past her without giving any notice.

Now that I'm home I think of all the things I've ignored one my mission and some of it really hurts. Like the girl for example, it's like my mind remembers where she was, what she looked like and what she wanted but I was so set on doing my thing that I walked right by!

How is it supposed to make sense all of this? My rigidity has caused me so much pain and suffering simply because I see the opportunity but I don't act on it. I cause so much suffering for people because they don't understand how to approach me and I don't want to go around unhinged stepping on peoples toes.

I've been active in "daily activities" for a long time and they haven't been able to find me at all. I'm like a rock that never changes, but I've continued to learn, each pain has meant something different and each time I go back their something happens and I get hurt.

I've solved this through thinking that I can't have people in my life. People ALWAYS fail to meet me where I'm at and I've had the most skilled people in psychiatry trying to help me.

It's odd, even as I write I can't adapt to pain. I feel that my emotions tries to say "If you write this nobody will truly understand how you feel because you know it isn't write, this is impulsive writing/expression". I feel like it's impossible and I've seen so many psychiatrists that all give me something new that I just think about and still nothing changes.

I don't know? Is this a common experience for people?