I I was in the classroom yesterday, and when one of the other girls asked her for help on spelling, she just ignored her (until I asked her to respond, which she gave the correct spelling), and later told me that she was embarrassed. When she hears her older brother tell her how smart she is, she gets mad and tells him to stop. She is not able to express why she feels embarrassed, but when I told her another child I knew said she was embarrassed about being different, and my daughter stated "thats stupid, who cares about being different".
The two situations you're describing are possibly different, even though they may seem the same. In the classroom situation, it might not be the "being different" that's the issue but rather being singled out from a group. One of my kids is beyond extroverted, makes friends easily, and has no worries about being "different" from anyone else in any way. She also loves dancing, singing, being on stage, and she's performed on stage in a large public venue - but she will only perform with a group, not by herself. She won't dance in anything that remotely resembles a competition, and she gets so anxious over giving presentations at school that she worries herself sick. The issue isn't being embarrased or feeling different, but feeling very uncomfortable feeling like attention is focused on her.
I have no idea if that's what's up with your dd, but I'd talk to her about it and ask her what she was feeling, as well as ask her if this happens frequently. I'll also add that teachers can make such a huge difference in classroom vibe in early elementary, as well as school culture.
Best wishes,
polarbear
