Any criticism unless requested will drive the child (or any person) into the negative emotional attractor (NEA; short explanation: the fight-or-flight mode). The reactions you receive (e.g., screaming) are thus expected.
The key here is to coach your child WITH compassion, not FOR compliance. Compassion can only occur in the positive emotional attractor (PEA), so any attempts at inspiring compassion through pushing into the NEA are doomed to failure.
The four things that activate the PEA according to Boyatzis et al. are:
(1) hope/vision,
(2) mindfulness,
(3) playfulness,
(4) compassion.
That is the theory, anyway. According to Boyatzis et al., sustained desired change requires a PEA to NEA ratio of at least 2 to 1.
Source:
http://www.case.edu/provost/ideal/doc/Boyatzis_2006_intentional_change.pdf.PS: The moderation of my posts profoundly cripples my ability to contribute to the forum. I presume it ends once I have reached a certain number of published posts?
