Pinecroft, Platypus and Dude -

Yes - we have the problem, too. Lately it has helped DS7 to hear that it's more than "we have to learn from our mistakes." It's that we MUST make mistakes in order to learn, that it's one of the main jobs that children have. I tell him that if you aren't making mistakes, you're not learning.

So we go through this: "That wasn't just the way you would want it to be. That DOES NOT make me feel angry or badly. You were just doing your learning job. It gives me a place to do my teaching job as your mom. Let's work through this."

At this point I have approximately 3-4 questions/answers I can expect him to work on before I get the exact flopping over, eye-rolling, blame others reaction you guys describe. It's like they have a play book!

But at least I get those few moments. So maybe try the "it's your job to learn by going through these trials and errors, and my job to help you."

FWIW - I also soften him up by pointing out that growing up well is a really, really hard, sometimes un-fun job to do right. I have him notice that lots of people never do the hard work to grow up well, or else they didn't have a parent willing to do their side of the job. Then when they are grown, they aren't happy and don't get to do things they otherwise would.

If I see a grown person behaving badly in public, I'll raise this. E.g., "Wow, look at that man being nasty to the waitress. Maybe when he was little, his parents never helped him learn how to ask for things nicely." Also - unfortunately - we have a family member I can point to who is selfish and mean and just "can't get along with others." So that's a really useful reference point.

P.S. When I say it "that doesn't make me feel angry or badly," I'm probably lying through my teeth. In my head I know it shouldn't make me feel angry or badly, because he just doesn't know how to behave differently yet. So I'm sticking with the lie because, you know, I have to be "perfect" too because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all .... And I do apologize if I get visibly angry when I shouldn't.

Last edited by suevv; 10/01/15 09:20 AM. Reason: adding P.S.