I was dealing with DD (yes, still) and missed half this thread :-)
I think you hit the nail on the head with the perfectionism. I'm not entirely convinced she wants to make us happy, but she doesn't like to be embarrassed. Unfortunately, she also refuses to do any constructive unpacking of her feelings. So no conversations after where she admits what happened or why something might have happened. I'm SO in for it with the teen years....
But back to perfectionism. DD definitely doesn't like to be wrong. Good insight.
How then, does one handle it when she is? Sigh. She's one tough cookie. And I feel like I am messing up (crumbling that cookie!) at every twist and turn lately. [sorry - insert feeling sorry for oneself emoticon - does that exist??]
