Reading through these posts, I had differing perspectives on a few issues. My one dd was also grade skipped, and already young for grade, as well as very tiny. Honestly, being small WAS hard for her. Maybe it's not for everyone, but it was a big deal to her, and I think you should make sure not to dismiss her feelings, if she is truly bothered by it (it may just be your own worry, in which case, try not to let it show). Dd is now average height and a very beautiful 20-something, but it took her a while to get over the height issue. She was a sensitive, PG child who felt very dismissed and invalidated by teachers and others who let their perspectives of her be affected by her size. Ds15 has a friend who is extremely short and he is also bothered at least weekly by thoughtless comments. It is tough to be the outlier sometimes!
As far as friends, my dd was matched up with a friend when she skipped (at a younger age) and a friend of mine had her child skipped into middle school and they did the same thing. In both cases, I thought it was a great idea, and helped a ton! If your dd will *only* play with this one friend, or the friend is a negative influence, or if the two of them withdraw from everyone else when they're together, then yes, don't put them in the same room. However, if she is a support for your daughter, I say go for it!
I have mixed feelings about talking to the teachers. Honestly, I think they'll all end up knowing anyway, and if you can do something to make your dd's experience better, you should. OTOH, with two young-for-grade kids, we definitely experienced discrimination in attitude and, unfortunately, action from teachers. Not all of them, or even a majority, but we did experience it. One of my two younger-for-grade ones has EF issues, and we also experienced the "everything is the fault of her age" issue. Now, the other one, who finished college at age 20 and has always been organized and on track, as well as taller - well, teachers actually asked me if she was held back a year because she was so mature. Sigh. They see what they want to see.
Being in activities and band will help, and even if she has a few rough spots, she will be so much happier having work a little more at her level. There's no perfect solution, but both my girls agreed that they couldn't have imagined being with kids a few grades younger and were happy with their placement!
