I think the indirect/ "oh, I'm so confused" approach is more likely to work simply because it seems like it is less likely to evoke a knee-jerk, defensive response than being direct (aka, 'accurate'). That is, if the other people in the discussion are actually reasonable people and honestly trying to do what's best for your kid. If they're jerks or just trying to give you the runaround, it won't matter--but at least you can start out that way, knowing that if things don't go well at least it won't be your fault for not trying or for not trying to be polite.