Locounu: You seem to have your head in the right place regarding competition. Could you share your perspective on what it feels like to be good at things and to enjoy that you are good at it so I have a sense of what it feels like to dd?
Also, What do you say to a kid when they ask if you think the team will win, if they ask if you think they will personally win, etc?
I didn't ignore your post, but I've had to mull it over. I don't think I'm a good person to ask for advice on these issues, partly because I seem to be atypical and partly because I haven't successfully parented anyone yet (through to the end, at least).
I don't know if I would say I have my head in the right place regarding competition. For one thing, there is a crushing-the-other aspect for me, which makes me feel good at the time but unhappy afterwards that I've caused someone to feel small. I know the specific seminal experiences that caused this, but it's hard to get past. I hope my children value excellence for its own sake, or, even better, that they're excellent at things as a matter of course and don't give much thought to competition for its own sake.
I'm also more focused on validation from others than I'd like. I think there are lots of reasons one can engage in competition and this must be a big one, the thrill when someone awards a prize or strokes the ego, but it can give rise to depression when one goes for a stretch without the validation one craves. For me I think I value praise too much, but I also think I'd be just as happy if someone were to be afraid to face me. :|
What it feels like for me, when I'm working on a legal or other intellectual problem, is probably not what it feels like for most people either. I focus intensely and for long periods of time, which is probably true of a lot of high-functioning people, but probably not to quite the same extent. I over-prepare. I also have a weird mental trick I can perform, where I give myself adrenaline jolts just by thinking of certain things. It causes heart palpitations afterwards, but I can "go to 11" on a moment's notice.
What I feel when I am in a hearing (that I care about, which generally involves protecting someone from loss or a harsh consequence) is completely keyed up, to the point that time seems to slow down. I'm excited by the fact that, good or bad as I may be, I am the only one standing between my client and a disaster, and I would rather die than let that disaster happen, quite literally.
I'm psychologically stripped down by that point, due to over-caffeination and lack of sleep. I don't need notes, although I do take them, because I remember everything that anyone says and cross-reference it with everything new that comes out at the hearing, looking for things to exploit. And when there's an opportunity to show righteous indignation, I can be almost feral... that's the best. I sometimes shock my clients the first time they see me in action at a hearing, because I'm so laid-back in general.
When I was in software development, I would often focus extremely hard as well, but it wasn't nearly as nerve-wracking and my energies were channeled in more healthy ways based on love of making quality output, etc.
I don't know that I really have anything helpful to give you. I'm a high school dropout who's overly focused on winning, and who nearly gives himself heart attacks on a weekly basis. Not a good model.
