I have found the key is to identify DD7's triggers and focus on avoiding these reactions since trying to calm her down during an episode is SO hard. She literally cannot hear us through her own screaming and I think being so out of control probably scares her as much as whatever set her off in the first place. We have made clear to her that these reaction never help and have worked with her on understanding that while feeling frustrated, angry or scared is ok she needs to focus on using her words or utilizing self calming strategies whenever possible. I think her intellect is helpful because she is able to understand and apply these strategies more effectively than a more "typical" kid.
A close friend, who was also DD's preschool teacher and probably knows her as well as I do, has pointed out an important distinction between "tantrums" and "meltdowns". DD does not throw a fit because she is not getting her own way, which my friend calls a tantrum. Instead she is feeling unsafe somehow and has reached the end of her ability to use the coping strategies that she possesses. At this point she loses it and has a "meltdown". She pointed out that these reactions never occur when DD "is feeling safe and secure."
I have argued effectively with her school that if she has one of these episodes it is an indication that her anxiety has been triggered and is not an example of bad behavior. She is incredibly eager to please so punishing the behavior makes the anxiety even worse. After a particularly bad series of events which triggered numerous meltdowns in a month the director of special services for our town wrote a letter acknowledging that their responses violated the terms of her IEP. By focusing on anxiety reduction and proper differentiation my happy, easy going little girl is back for the most part. It has been months since anything even close to a meltdown has occurred.
Evemomma: I LOVE your quote: "Overstimulation paired with frustration sometimes makes for disaster in sensitive kids." I also love the physiology lesson idea. I bet understanding why her body is reacting that way will make it easier for her to identify triggers earlier. Thank you!
