Here is an example:

I assume, knowing there is a good chance I may be wrong, that lucounu was being sarcastic in her post where she states that non-gifted children are "sub-human". I assume this because it paints her in a better light than if her post was serious. It is aways a kindess to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Even with this assumption, I find her post mocking to the posters before her, but that is less harsh of a judgement than to believe that she believes non-gifted children are sub-human. Either way, her post is not kind, but I choose to believe she is less offensive because that is a kindness I show her.

Since I know I am "assuming", I know that I could be wrong with any of the statements above. I'm not in her head and I don't know her intentions or feelings. If I find it unkind, I'll make a note of that, but no lasting impression of her, because I may be wrong in my judgements.

I don't choose to be offended.
It's always a choice.

I like what lucounu said in an earlier thread, " it's best all around if we try to be tactful. In my experience there are a great many times when a thoughtful person could easily avoid offense that seems to be routinely given."

Being tactful is a good thing (and this is likely Val's point as well), but remembering that a "thoughtful person" might not be intentionally giving offense is equally important.