The downplaying is a concern for me too. Gifted children should never feel like they have to hide their abilities because they're shameful or inappropriate, although it's not good to show a lack of tact either. I would never downplay anything about my kids in front of them, and I tend to do less of it as I go on, instead just speaking in generalities or redirecting the conversation if I don't feel that an open discussion is warranted.
I'm not really interested in hiding who DD is to protect other people's feelings.
That's a healthy attitude. I tend not to want to engage in one-upmanship with a pushy parent, just because it's a hassle. I also think some parents can respond with veiled hostility if they feel that I'm the pushy one, so I try to be tactful at all times. I do want DS6 and us to fit in, with the ideal being fitting in with our differences fully recognized and appreciated. It's just my experience that some parents are more ready than others to discuss things like this openly without it tarnishing the relationship; with the more closed ones, I tend to redirect.
