Rememrber my DS11's 'bottom' in 2nd grade? Towards the very end of the year, I was doing a little 'relationship building' listen to her complain about DS's behavior in class, and the thought that flashed through my mind was,
"sure, she sounds bitter now, but a few months after the Divorce she'll regain her perspective."
At the same time I realized that what my mind was trying to say was: "sure she sounds bitter now, but a few months after the school year, when she doesn't have to deal with DS every day, she will remember his good qualities and regain her perspective."
But she did sound just like a few friends who were going through that last sprint before they could get their divorces off of their minds! In 2nd grade! And I was convinsed that she cared deeply about him, but just couldn't overcome her preconceptions that a kid who was bright would act a particular way. She was an 'old school' lady, who thought that the idea of 'asynchrony' was just coddling. I'm giggling about that now.
One thing about reality is that you can really hurt yourself by denying it!
The unfunny thing is what it cosst my DS to spend an entire school year in a classroom with a teacher who was constantly dissapointed in him, and was open enough that the classmates followed suit, and he came to believe her as well. How deeply this still affects him is hard to know - but whenever I hear about you, Kriston, actually taking action to get your son OUT of his bad situation, I tear up to be SO glad that someone had more sense than I did! And that in some small way I've been able to help both with direct advice, and by helping build this cyberplace where you can speak your mind. I went through 2nd grade with no idea what was going on, no YSP, no friends with PG kids, no family with more than MG experience, and none of you!
Of couse it hasn't escaped my notice that although 2nd grade was terribly hard on him and came at a great cost, who knows but perhaps in the furture it will turn out to have been very important for my DS. Still I wouldn't wish in on Cathy A's letterwriter!
Big proud smile,
Grinity
