hi Kaboom,
I just read this thread. I am sorry you are going through this- we have been there (still not resolved,but homeschooling and much,much happier!). If you can afford to get an IQ test I would highly suggest it. It will give you a better understanding of your DS's capacity and you can use this with the school.
I have to say that I disagree with the school assigning crosswords and asking your son to create math problems for other students. Each child has a right to learn something new each and every day (as told to me by a wise consultant who has worked with gifted kids for over a decade).
I agree with your aunt that you should stick with the day off. We did this too and after one year of school are homeschooling.